Radiance
by Shinda Shikai
Summary: A small, innocent, bright-eyed orphan and her snake-like doctor. Set during the second shinobi war.
1. Chapter 1

The clinic was nice, I supposed, in a bland kind of way. It was like the rest of the hospital; everything was white, white, white and white. But the lady at reception seemed nice when she'd smiled at me and told me to take a seat and wait for the doctor to call me in.

"Ayako-chan?" A voice drawled out from the hallway, and I looked up from where I'd been examining the hem of my old, second-hand shirt. Or probably third-hand, maybe even fourth-hand. Who knew how long the orphanage had been recycling this shirt?

My head jerked up at the sound of my name, and I was greeted with the sight of a man with the strangest golden, slitted eyes I'd ever seen. And his skin was _really _pale, like a ghost or something! It probably looked worse because his hair was as black as midnight. His white lab coat didn't help his ghostly impression, either. His hair was currently tied up in a ponytail, bangs framing his face.

His yellow eyes had some sort of purple eyeliner or something.

I quickly jumped to my feet. This guy looked kind of _scary_. I hurried over to him, and it didn't help that he towered over my tiny, four-year old body. I smiled hesitantly up at him. I noticed silver earrings behind his ears, and admired the way they glimmered in the artificial lighting.

"H-hello!" I chirped, flushing when he set those eyes on my face, and they looked cold and unfeeling. My smile faltered a bit, intimidated, but quickly gathered myself and returned my smile to its former glory.

He raised a brow and glanced around as of expecting me to be accompanied by someone, before simply shrugging without a word of acknowledgement and walking down the corridor. I had to run a bit to keep up with his long strides.

He opened a door along the hallway, no more or less distinguishable than any other, and gestured for me to enter. I wriggled excitedly and bounced into the room.

I glanced about the small room, that was as lifeless as any other in this place. There was a sheet-less hospital bed on one side, a desk with a roller chair covered in papers on the other, and two chairs presumably for patients facing the desk and roller chair.

The only spice of colour was a deep red vase, sitting on a shelf beside the bed.

I hesitated, unsure whether I should go to the bed instantly or sit on one of the seats. And if so, which seat? The one on the left or the right?

A hand gently pressed into my back, nudging me towards the chairs, so I made a quick decision and chose the one on the left which looked slightly closer to where the doctor would sit.

Then, the doctor silently sat down on the roller chair and picked up a clipboard from the desk. I fidgeted as he examined it, jiggling excitedly in my seat. I was curious about something that was floating in a jar of yellowish, viscous liquid. It looked like some kind of hybrid mouse/lizard, and before I could stop myself, I reached out and poked the jar, causing the thing to swish inside its container.

"Ayako-chan," the doctor finally spoke, placing down the clipboard and setting his full attention on me. I guiltily withdrew my hand, shifting under his intense gaze.

"My name is Orochimaru. I am going to be looking into your condition."

I beamed at him and nodded vigorously. "Kay, Orochimaru-sensei!"

He tilted his head at me and an odd smile graced his lips. He stood up and gestured me to follow him towards the bed.

Even with the help of the step, the bed was too tall for me to get onto. Nonetheless, I attempted to pull myself up, jumping up so my upper body landed on it. I strained to pull my body the rest of the way up, kicking my legs agitatedly.

The doctor, after watching me struggle for a moment with that strange smile still on his face, stepped in to help. He lifted me up just enough so I could clamber the rest of the way onto the bed. Then I turned to him and collapsed into a sitting position on the bed, still having to look up to see his face despite the added height of the bed.

"Thank chu," I said seriously, my expression solemn. It was nice that he helped me. He might look a bit scary, but he was nice.

He shook his head with amusement but otherwise didn't acknowledge my heartfelt statement.

"Your file states that you've been diagnosed with a heart condition. Some symptoms you reported to have listed include fatigue, shortness of breath, occasional fainting and chest pain. Did I miss anything so far?"

I blinked, nodding along happily. I liked the sound of his voice. It was nice and soft. Like I imagined a teddy bear would feel like. Tenzo had one of those, but he guarded it jealously and wouldn't let me touch it.

"Ayako-chan, please listen when I talk to you," he said, snapping his fingers in front of my face.

I blinked and refocussed on his face, broken out of my reverie. I felt a rush of guilt, and quickly tried to correct my mistake.

"Sowee! I was listenin'," I said hastily, and threw in a big smile. "Yea, I think dat's all."

He nodded curtly, looking vaguely bored.

"Good. I'm going to examine you now, Ayako-chan," he said as he pulled out a stethoscope from a drawer. "Take your shirt off."

I nodded quickly and fumbled to pull my shirt off, not wanting to displease him.

He pressed the stethoscope to my chest and listened, telling me when to inhale and exhale. I couldn't reign in my childish giggle at the feel of the cool metal he pressed to my chest.

And when he was finished, he smiled, and his hand reached out. I almost jerked away but managed to reign it into a small flinch when I realised he wasn't planning to hurt me. I looked at him with wide eyes, shining with awe, as he patted my head.

"Good girl. Now, Ayako-chan, I think I might have an idea of how I can help you, but you'll need to come in every week for treatment."

I liked hearing him say my name. The matron at the orphanage never calls me by my name; I think she forgets it. And if I get to see him every week, I'll get to hear him listen to him talk to me like I exist!

I nodded and beamed so much that my eyes squinted shut from the force of it. I heard the doctor chuckle lowly, before he gently pressed on my chest, forcing me to lie back on the bed.

"I am going to stabilise the chakra coils around your heart. They aren't functioning correctly, which is why you keep having problems, and if they are left they will continue to erode until your heart stops completely. The chakra I will use to substitute for these problems will degrade over the week, which is why you'll need to come back. I will be able to start repairing the damage that has already been done, but it will be a slow process to get your coils back to proper functioning. A year, at the least."

I didn't really understand what he'd said, but I didn't dare ask him to repeat himself. Instead, I lifted my head up to watch as his hand rested across my chest, and I blinked in awe as it glowed green.

"Wooooooow!" I exclaimed, and I got slightly too enthusiastic and my body wriggled happily. The doctor's other hand came up and pushed my head back down onto the pillow.

"Stay still, Ayako-chan," he ordered, though he sounded amused.

I smiled at the ceiling and forced myself to stay still, even though it was _really _hard. I settled for fidgeting with the mattress.

It lasted about ten minutes, but I felt a surge of disappointment when the warmth of his hand disappeared from my chest. I clutched at my heart where the last of it was fading away. The doctor sat down in his roller chair and in one swift movement, pushed off and rolled over to the desk. He picked up the clipboard again and penned something down before turning back to me.

"That's all for today," he stated. I nodded vigorously and rolled over so I could lower myself over the side of the bed. My legs flailed for a moment, trying to find purchase. I found the step and pushed off so I would drop onto it.

Unfortunately, I put slightly too much force into it, and I yelped as I tumbled off the step, and I felt my stomach become weightless as I fell backwards.

My eyes clamped shut reflexively, but before I could split my head open on the floor, there were arms wrapped around me, catching me mid-descent.

I flushed happily, because he had cared enough to catch me, but giggled nervously as I found myself looking into the doctor's scary eyes. He smiled as he set me back on my feet, and for a moment I wished I could stay in his arms for a few seconds longer.

I wiggled with nervous excitement as I found myself back on solid ground, and I beamed up at the- no, _my _doctor. The thought made me giddy. I had a doctor now!

Suddenly I rushed forward with the strange urge to hug him, but then I remembered myself and quickly stopped a few inches away.

Oops. I hoped he hadn't noticed.

Thankfully, he didn't mention it, instead he said;

"Perhaps next time you will wait for me to help you down, hm?"

"Kay! Thank chu, sensei!"

And suddenly I realised something as I pulled my shirt back on. How had he moved fast enough to catch me? My jaw dropped open as I gazed up at him in amazement.

"Are chu a ninja, too?" I asked with profound awe, radiating excited energy.

He tilted his head and seemed to assess me for a moment, but his eyes twinkled with amusement.

"Why yes. That's a good observation you made, Ayako-chan."

I blinked and felt a wave of shock pass through me. I had never been praised before. I stilled; my brow furrowed as I considered his words.

Yep, there was no doubt about it.

My face lit up and I smiled so hard it hurt my cheeks a bit.

And sensei was not only a doctor, but a ninja, too! That was _awesome! _A super special, awesome ninja doctor had praised me!

I giggled and my body vibrated joyfully.

"It's time to go, Ayako-chan. I will escort you out."

"Kay!" I bounded to the exit, my brain clouded with happiness, before remembering myself and dutifully stopping so that sensei could take the lead. I had to temper myself as he walked at a sedate pace, when all I wanted to do was leap around.

We took a few turns, heading back towards reception. I watched sensei's hand sway innocently as he walked and had the strangest longing to hold it.

One of his fingers twitched, as if beckoning me to take it, so I quickly tore my gaze away before I did something stupid.

And then we arrived at reception, and I noticed one of the caretakers waiting for me. Aiko, her name was. She was quite pretty, with long black hair and stunning green eyes.

I checked myself and approached her. But I couldn't keep the big smile from my face.

Aiko looked quite harried, no surprise. All caretakers at the orphanage _always _seem to look frazzled. She noticed me approaching and gave a small, tight smile. But then her eyes drifted to someone behind me, and I started when I realised that sensei had followed us.

Oops. I had almost left and forgotten to acknowledge him. I wouldn't do that again!

"Hello, you must be Ayako-chan's guardian," Orochimaru said politely, inclining his head.

Aiko flushed a deep red and suddenly looked like she was having difficulty breathing. She quickly bowed, as if to hide it, bowing slightly deeper than was necessary.

"J-just a caretaker at the orphanage, sir- uh, Orochimaru-sama, sir!"

I giggled at her profuse stuttering, and she shot me a glare. I wondered how she knew my doctor's name, he wasn't wearing a nametag after all.

"Her name's Aiko! She likes her makeup a lot, and sometimes she misses our bowls when she serves miso soup!" I pitched in happily.

For some reason, this made her glare _and _her blush deepen. I gulped at the look she was giving me and inched away, my smile faltering slightly.

"Thank you, Ayako-chan. Well Aiko-san, I would like to have some information relayed to the orphanage so that Ayako-chan is properly cared for."

Orochimaru's amusement was evident as he spoke, but it seemed that a lot of things made him amused. Aiko managed to collect herself enough that she no longer stuttered, but her blush remained.

I gravitated towards a magazine that sat on the table in the reception area as the two began talking, and began flipping through it absently, gazing at the pictures, mostly of famous ninja. I traced some of the faces, coming across a man with a mane of white hair and a big grin on his face. He had two red pointed streaks that ran a few centimetres down from the edge of each eye, and he had a wart on his nose.

I giggled at his expression; it was much more interesting than the usual stoic faces of the other ninja.

"Ayako, let's go," Aiko ordered, gesturing for me to follow. I glanced about and realised that Orochimaru-sensei had gone already.

I jumped to my feet and obediently followed as we left for the orphanage.

We walked through the streets of Konoha in silence for a while, until;

"I can't believe you're getting treated by _him. _Lucky brat," she said with a pensive sigh.

I blinked up at her.

"Why? Do you _like _him?" I giggled at the thought.

Her face went red again, and she looked like she wanted to slap me.

"Guh- you- just, don't you recognise him?"

I stared at her. Recognise him? Why would I recognise him? Had I met him before?

She noticed my blank look and shook her head, grumbling something under her breath.

But my thoughts quickly drifted with the realisation that she _liked _him. If Aiko _liked _sensei like that, maybe… if they got together, then sensei would visit the orphanage! I could set the two up, and they would marry, and sensei would see me more often!

I lit up at the thought and giggled the rest of the way back to the orphanage as I plotted. Aiko tried to create a distance between us as we walked so it didn't look like I had anything to do with her, but I didn't mind at all, really!

* * *

**If you squint enough this story could technically be canon.**


	2. Chapter 2

The next time I was dropped off at the clinic, I was more than a little excited. I was going to see sensei again! I bounded up to reception and cheerily stated my name and appointment time then threw myself down onto a seat to wait.

15 minutes later, sensei appeared in the hallway, escorting out an old woman, who was babbling something or rather. Sensei looked supremely bored as he nodded along to what she was saying and gave her a lazy wave as she trundled away with her walker, but not before patting him on the cheek and telling him he was a 'sweet boy'. He rolled his eyes as she turned away.

In my excitement, I raced over to greet him before he even called my name. His mouth curved into a smile as he noticed me. I skidded to a halt in front of him and jiggled excitedly.

It felt like it had been so _long _since I had last seen him. So, _so _long. I was almost worried that he would die in that time and I would never see him again!

"Ayako-chan," he greeted smoothly, turning to head back down the corridor. "Come along."

The silence only lasted a moment as we walked towards his room.

"So, so are chu a medi- medicane ninja, sensei?" I burst out. "Or- or a _weal_ ninja, and a doctor too, or did chu _stop _being a ninja to become a doctor or-"

He held up his hand to silence me, and I giggled nervously.

"Firstly, medi-_cal_ ninja. Secondly, medical ninja _are_ realninja, they simply specialise in healing. Thirdly, I am both a ninja and a doctor, or researcher. I've been recalled from the frontlines so that I may… _recover_, but I may be called back at any time should it be required. I've been ordered to remain in the village, that's why I've started taking patients again."

I nodded eagerly as we entered his room. But then suddenly I paused as his words sank in.

"W-wait, are chu _injured?_" I asked, frantically raking my eyes over his form in search of said injury.

He chuckled and shook his head.

"Not quite. When ninja perform great feats on the battlefield, they are often ordered to return to rest for a while, as compensation for their sacrifice I suppose. My teammate is also in the village, and my other teammate will be visiting soon."

I didn't know what compensation or sacrifice meant, but I took his words to mean he wasn't injured and returned to grinning happily.

Orochimaru helped me onto the bed, and I pulled my shirt off and lay down. I closed my eyes as he pressed his hand to my chest, basking in the warmth. His hand glowed green, and I giggled at the feeling of his chakra entering my system.

"Aiko-san told me to say hi!" I lied. She definitely would have asked me to though, if she liked to talk to me.

"Did she now?" Orochimaru murmured as he worked, flashing me a grin. Was that a _fang_ I just saw? Did sensei have _fangs?_ My heart skipped a beat, and I fought the urge to flail in excitement. That's so _cool!_ I managed to reign it down to a few twitches.

I nodded vigorously, but quickly stopped when he glanced at me disapprovingly. Right, don't move too much while he works.

"Yea! Yea! And, and don'tcha tink she's _weally _pretty?" I continued, feeling a rising torrent of enthusiasm inside me.

Orochimaru tilted his head, as if considering.

"Was she?" he asked, and there was a teasing lilt to his voice. "I hadn't noticed."

"She is! She is _weally _pretty!" I stated, hoping the force of my will would cause him to suddenly realise her prettiness. "A-and sensei…" I lowered my voice to a whisper. "Don't tell on me, but she _likes_ you. Like _that_."

"Is that so," he murmured, tone vague, and I felt my heart drop. Oh no, he didn't sound interested at _all!_

I had to salvage the situation! How could I make sensei like Aiko? Wait, maybe he just didn't know if…

My face lit up.

"She's single," I added triumphantly. Another lie. Oh well. "And she's always sad 'cause she's lonely. She won't let any of us hold her hand, it must be 'cause she's waiting for someone special to hold it!"

I grinned with victory. There was no _way _he could turn her down now!

He nodded serenely, but if the quirk to his lips was any indication, he seemed to be suppressing a smile.

"I see. I shall keep that in mind when I next see her."

I nodded solemnly. Now, all I had to do was tell Aiko that sensei wanted to go on a date with her, and it would be perfect!

I was vibrating with so much nervous energy after my session that it was all I could do not to jump up and down. It was not, however, Aiko that was waiting for me as we left.

Oh no. It was Sora, Aiko's boyfriend! She must have run out of time to pick me up and sent him instead!

Sora had dirty blond hair that was almost always slicked back with gel of some kind. He had pale brown eyes and a deceptively innocent face.

I hesitated in the hallway for a moment and took a deep breath.

I didn't like Sora. He could be mean and scary, especially when Aiko wasn't around. The sooner he could get replaced with sensei, the better!

Before I could rush off and make sure sensei and Sora wouldn't interact, Sora approached us with that nice smile of his. I didn't get why he only reserved it for adults.

He grabbed my hand as he came to stand beside me, and I flinched slightly. I always _want _people to hold my hand, but the only one who ever seems to is Sora, and he's the one person that I _don't _want touching me.

"You must be Orochimaru-sama! Such a pleasure to meet you," Sora said sweetly, bowing deeply to Orochimaru.

"Sensei, this is Sora-san. He gives some of us candy at the orphanage sometimes," I mumbled, if only to say _something _nice about him. He probably wouldn't like it if I said bad things about him.

But I _did _carefully leave out the part about him being Aiko's boyfriend.

Sora flushed and his smile twitched ever-so-slightly.

"Ah, Sora-kun, a _pleasure_ indeed," Orochimaru responded, but his tone was cool. I had never heard him sound so cold. Did that mean he already disliked Sora, even though they'd only just met?

A weight fell on my head, and I glanced up when I realised that sensei had put his hand on my head. I beamed up at him and couldn't help but wiggle at the sheer rush of happiness, accidentally tugging at Sora's hand in the process.

"Thank you very much for your time," Sora said, still smiling, though he sounded slightly strained.

"Be careful with her, Sora-kun. No stress or vigorous activity, otherwise her heart might relapse," Orochimaru said with a smile that didn't reach his eyes and a note of warning in his voice.

Eh? He hadn't said that before. I didn't know what relapse meant, but it sounded scary.

"Off you go now, Ayako-chan. I'll see you next week, hm?"

I was disappointed when he took his hand away, but I bobbed my head with a thrill of excitement at the reminder that I would be seeing him again. Even if a week _was _such a long time.

Sora bowed deeply and we left. Unexpectedly, he remained quiet and didn't do anything as we returned to the orphanage.

I skipped away as soon as we arrived, in search of Tenzo.

The orphanage was a run-down building consisting of three storeys that never seemed to be able to accommodate the number of orphans in it. At the moment, we had fifty, but the number kept rising by the day with the war going on.

I found Tenzo out the back, in the garden. The garden was more of a patch of grass than anything. It was a square area that was gated in. Through the bars, the forest stretched out. The orphanage was right next to a forested area on the edge of the village, after all.

Tenzo was sitting on the grass and was absently staring at a bunch of kids lingering around the Big Tree. It was said to have been one of the first trees created by the first hokage.

Over the years, many orphans had chiselled their names into it. Tenzo and I had never down so, we'd never really seen a reason why. After all, why put your name on something if you can exist and just _tell _people your name yourself?

He smiled at me when I dropped down beside him.

"How was your visit?" he asked, picking at the grass. There wasn't much to do at the orphanage, since funding was sparse, and any books or toys were immediately siphoned off and hidden with whichever kid got to them first.

"Awesome!" I responded immediately, vibrating in place. "He patted my head today!"

I smiled dreamily at the memory.

Tenzo nodded and smiled with a tinge of envy. "He sounds nice."

"Yea! And 'm definitely gonna get him 'n Aiko married!" I declared. "Then we can see him _all _the time!"

* * *

"Sensei! Sensei! Guess what I heard!"

I was trembling with so much excitement that my breathing was become ragged and difficult.

"Ayako-chan, breathe," Sensei ordered as he led me down the corridor, but there was no mistaking the twinkle of amusement in his eyes. I gulped in deep breaths of air.

"I h-heard the matron talkin' wid Aiko and Ena, th'other caretaker, an' dey were talkin' 'bout chu!" I gushed, wishing I could take his hand.

"I'm afraid you'll have to slow down and enunciate properly if you want me to understand," he said with mirth as we entered the room, but I was too excited to sit down.

I took another deep, deep breath and willed my body to stop shaking. When I finally felt like I wouldn't burst with over-excitement, I spoke again.

"They said you were a- a candy for the hokage!"

"Candidate, my dear," he corrected idly, and his eyes crinkled with amusement as he watched me. He picked up his clipboard and wrote something down.

"Yea, dat!" I nodded vigorously. I had barely believed it when I'd heard. My sensei must be _really _special if he was being considered to be a hokage! A hokage was a really important person! The _most _important!

And someone that important had enough time for me, even if it was just to research my condition and treat my heart.

I reached under my shirt and pulled out a piece of paper I'd hidden there. I'd worked extra hard to get some paper and crayons from the matron. I'd had to sweep the floors and help with dishes and do the laundry for a week to get them!

And I thrust the slightly rumpled product of my hard work under his nose, wiggling excitedly.

"It's for chu," I said, feeling a sudden flush of nervousness.

Would he like it?

Sensei looked up from the clipboard, raising a brow. I giggled nervously at the moment of silence that passed, before he slowly took the paper from me and studied it.

I had drawn him wearing the hokage robes. There was a big scribble beside it, where I'd evidently drawn something and then scribbled over it to hide it.

"What's this?" he asked after a moment, seemingly attempting to decipher it.

"It's chu! Wearing the hokage stuff!" I said, pointing at the white circle with two yellow dots inside and purple lines over the dots, followed by my indicating the red and white triangle on top of the circle, and the shape that was meant to represent the robes underneath.

"Ah," he said, nodding. "And this?" he pointed at the scribble.

I hesitated, but the words came out before I could stop them when his eyes rose to meet mine, curious. I didn't want to make him mad by not telling him.

"I was gon' draw me with chu, but…"

I faltered, uncertain. I had felt scared, that he wouldn't want me in the picture. Why would a random orphan be standing with a hokage? I wasn't special like him. I didn't want him to push me away, to decide to stop seeing me because he realised how much I craved his attention, when he probably didn't care much about me.

I let my words trail off, feeling my throat tighten. I froze like a deer in headlights as I gazed helplessly into his eyes. They looked… expressionless. I felt anxiety creep through my body, and I fell still, my hands dropping limply to my sides.

Was he disgusted at me? Was he going to send me away? Would he be angry at me?

"Ayako-chan…" he placed the paper down on his desk and beckoned me towards him. I did so, limbs moving robotically. "Thank you."

And his arms lifted me, because even when he was sitting in his roller-chair I was still shorter than him, and he wrapped his arms around me in a warm embrace.

I was shocked for a moment, because I had never been held before. Or even hugged, from what I could remember. But then I melted against his chest, and his arms didn't feel trapping or tight like I'd always wondered whenever I'd seen people hug. They felt… safe. Warm.

I liked it, I liked it a lot. I never wanted the moment to end.

But it did, even though I clung to him for a moment longer as he placed me back on my feet. I felt dazed, a warm haze lingered in my head, leaving my mind blissfully blank. All I could focus on was the lingering sense of warmth and comfort that was quickly fading.

I could only stare at him dumbly as he smiled at me with his usual dose of amusement. I always thought his eyes reminded me of the sun. Bright yellow and warm. Even if the black slash down the middle of each could be unnerving.

"Something wrong, Ayako-chan?"

His softly spoken words broke me from my reverie, and suddenly my smile was back on my face, bigger than ever.

"Nothin', sensei!"

And it was entirely true.


	3. Chapter 3

"Did you hear about that Yellow Flash guy?" I asked, brimming with enthusiasm. "He killed a _tousand_ Iwa ninja, and that made the enemy run away, and now there's no war! Tenzo told me a tousand is ten times ten times ten, and he's really smart! That's a lot, isn't it?"

"Thousand, it starts with a 'th'. And yes, it is a lot," Sensei muttered absently as he multi-tasked between writing things down on his clipboard and doing something with that glowy green chakra over my chest.

"Is something wrong with it?" I asked after a moment, referring to my heart. He seemed to be quite interested in something.

"Have you been stressed by something recently, Ayako-chan?" he asked, and my features drew together in a thoughtful frown.

I squinted at the roof in thought, before suddenly it hit me.

"Oh yea! Aiko-san has been away for a while," I chimed. "But it's ok! She's coming back soon, she's just a bit sick."

"Hm. And who has been supervising then?"

I looked at him blankly, feeling a prickle of unease. I shifted.

"Uh, Sora-san volunteered…"

He nodded and that seemed to be all he needed to know.

"Whenever you feel stress it can cause my chakra substitutes to fade away quicker."

"Kay," I nodded, pretending to understand, and beamed at him.

"Well," he murmured as he took his hand away. "I think that will do for-"

I jumped as the door to the room suddenly slammed open.

"SENSEI!" A voice hollered, and in the doorway stood a purple-haired girl. She looked to be about ten and had a mischievous smile.

"Anko-chan, what have I told you about interrupting me while I'm with patients?" Sensei sighed. I scrutinised the girl as I pulled on my shirt, and sensei lifted me down from the bed.

She was wearing a purple shirt and beige shorts, with fishnet tights underneath. She had big light brown eyes.

Another person poked his head in after her.

"Oro! There you are! Anko came to greet me when I arrived so she could bring us to lunch. She's paying, of course."

The last part caused the purple-haired girl to complain, but I wasn't really listening.

I stared, my mouth dropping open in awe.

And then the white-haired one seemed to notice me.

"Hey, who's the little miss?"

I gasped. I pointed at him.

"I know _chu!_" I all but yelled, my body wiggling involuntarily in my exhilaration. He blinked in surprise. "You're the magazine man!"

He had long, spiky white hair, dark eyes with a red spike extending from the edge of each eye, and a wart on his nose.

"Ayako-chan, this is my student Anko-chan, and my teammate Jiraiya."

But I was already dashing out the door. "Wait there!" I cried over my shoulder.

I returned to the trio a few moments later with the magazine from the reception table. It never got replaced, and I was fairly sure it had been there for more than a year considering its yellowing edges. I was puffing as I skidded back into the room.

"What have I told you about sprinting, Ayako-chan?" Orochimaru asked, looking towards the heavens. I beamed in response, not feeling an ounce of guilt, and turned to the really tall white-haired man. He was even taller than Sensei!

"Look! Look!" I thrust the magazine, open at the page that had his portrait, at him. Well, towards his head, as far as my arms could reach.

He bent down to examine his photo. The girl, Anko, joined him.

"Well, don't I look handsome as always," he chuckled, and struck a pose. I looked at him with wonder. This guy must be famous to be in the magazine! Not that I knew why he was in the magazine, since I couldn't read.

He looked pleased at my awed look. He grinned goofily and gave me a double thumbs up. I beamed at him and his face flushed.

Anko snatched the magazine from me, scoffing at Jiraiya's comment. She read the entry and then laughed out loud.

"Listen to this, sensei! It says 'Jiraiya-sama has taken a liking to penmanship, much to the pleasure of his fanbase. That's right folks, our gallant Jiraiya-sama has begun a series of mature-aged novels.' So basically porn."

Jiraiya snatched the magazine from Anko's hands when he saw Orochimaru looking curiously over Anko's shoulder.

"Really, Jiraiya?" sensei asked, sounding half exasperated, half amused as Jiraiya huffed, holding the magazine out of his teammates reach.

"Yes. Is it wrong to want to admire and write about the beauty of human nature?" he retorted with a salacious grin.

Anko made a disgusted noise.

"What's porn?" I asked Jiraiya eagerly.

I watched as his face suddenly went crimson and he scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. He chuckled nervously.

"Well, you see Ayako-chan, there's this thing called se-"

"No," Orochimaru cut in, giving Jiraiya a pointed glare. "I think it's time Ayako-chan went home."

I blinked as I suddenly found myself being ushered away and down the hallway. The other two followed, arguing about something or other.

"I'll see you next week, Ayako-chan," Sensei said, gently pushing me towards where Aiko was waiting.

Suddenly I realised now was a perfect opportunity, and I couldn't quite hide my wide grin.

"But wait, sensei! You gonna eat lunch, right? Well, Aiko-san has been _weally _lonely, and she's _weally _hungry," I declared, and it was loud enough that Aiko heard. Oops. Her face went crimson and she froze like a deer in headlights.

Jiraiya and Anko, who were rowdily complaining, suddenly fell silent.

There was a moment of silence, and I beamed up at Orochimaru whose neutral expression seemed frozen in place.

And then Jiraiya let out a boom of laughter, and Anko pounced, her face appearing entirely innocent as she spoke;

"Oh Sensei, I didn't realise you had a girlfriend!"

Aiko's mouth opened and closed silently, and she looked close to fainting.

"_She_ is not my girlfriend," Orochimaru finally spoke, his tone final. "And I think I will be having words with Ayako-chan next week about _subtlety._"

My shoulders drooped as he pressed his hand into my back, firmly pushing me in Aiko's direction. Oh no. I had messed up. Now he would never marry Aiko, and I would never get to see him more often.

I dragged my feet as I approached the shell-shocked caretaker.

"Bye Ayako-chan, Orochimaru-sensei's not-girlfriend!" Anko called, and I glanced back to see Jiraiya give me a jaunty wave. Sensei smirked.

Then, like magic, the three suddenly vanished.

Aiko was _not _happy.

* * *

"All I did was tell him that she was lonely and hungry!" I complained to Tenzo, nursing the stinging red mark on my face.

"Yea, I don't get why she overreacted," Tenzo said, fiddling with his teddy bear as we lay side by side on our respective futons. There was no one else in the dorm at the moment; all the other kids were outside playing. The room was dark because we'd drawn the curtains.

"Oh yea, did you know they're announcing the next hokage next week?"

I sat up suddenly with a gasp.

"_Really?_" I whispered. "Sensei is gonna be a hokage!"

Tenzo shrugged.

"Maybe, but I think the Yellow Flash is more likely to be chosen. He practically stopped the war, from what I've heard."

"Well, I _weally _hope sensei gets it!" I exclaimed.

Tenzo nodded.

* * *

I was jittery with nerves as I waited in the reception. Tomorrow, the next hokage was going to be announced. How could I _not _be excited?

I vibrated on my chair, listening to it squeak at my movements. A few chairs away, a man who was reading a magazine gave me a glare. I giggled in response.

"Ayako-chan, chairs are for sitting, not bouncing," a familiar voice said from directly behind me. I shot to my feet and spun around, beaming. My smile faltered slightly when I noticed how _tired _Sensei looked.

I glanced back as we walked, wondering why he had come from behind rather than from the hallway. Didn't he normally have an appointment with that old lady before me?

Oh no, what if she'd _died?_

"I-is the old lady ok?" I asked tremulously. He glanced at me with a moment of confusion, before understanding washed over him. He chuckled, but it sounded a bit hollow.

"Oh, you mean my earlier appointment. She is fine, however she is no longer my patient."

"Huh? Why?" I asked, tilting my head.

"Now that the war is over my duties in the village are picking up again. I have transferred most of my patients to other specialists so I can focus on… other things."

My heart dropped at the implications. Did that mean I was going to be transferred?

I swallowed and fell silent, the blood draining from my face.

"Am I… am I gonna be transferred?" I finally found the courage to ask, though my voice was barely a whisper. I didn't know if I wanted to hear the answer.

My anxiety built as a weighted silence followed my question and breathing became difficult. I felt dizzy, really _really _dizzy, like I used to before sensei started treating me. And the world spun around me and I stumbled and reached out frantically for support and-

Everything went black.

Light filtered back into existence, and only a moment must have passed for my slumped form was pressed to his leg. He was holding me up. I squeaked and quickly gathered my bearings, jumping back to my own two feet. Oh no, he must think I was so weird! My face flushed with embarrassment, and I was so worried I couldn't even enjoy the moment of contact I had had with him.

He wouldn't want me anymore.

I looked up at him, mouth agape and eyes wide, wondering if this was the end.

"Calm yourself, child," Orochimaru said, eyes glinting with amusement. He didn't even acknowledge that I had just fainted, thankfully. "Your case still interests me."

I felt a wash of relief and sagged as I struggled to regain control of my breathing as we entered his room.

He gestured to the bed, went to lift me but I stopped him.

"Wait, I tink I can do it," I stated, puffing up my chest and feeling my usual cheer filter back.

I stepped up onto the step and bent my knees in preparation to jump. I wiggled with anticipation and then launched myself up.

I managed to land half my torso on the bed, and I furiously worked to drag the rest of my body up. I finally managed, using all my strength to wriggle forward and haul the rest of myself onto the bed.

Then I rolled over, sat up and smiled broadly, my eyes squinting from the force.

Orochimaru smiled, revealing his fangs, and inclined his head with approval. "Very good, Ayako-chan. You must have grown since we first started.

My body quivered with happiness and pride.

"Yea! I'm turning _five _soon!" I declared while I followed the usual routine, tossing my shirt off and laying down.

"My, that _is _exciting. And what do you plan to do?"

I blinked at him as he began working on my chest.

"Do? For my birthday?" I asked, lost. Did people normally _do _things for their birthday? Sometimes the older orphans would tell us about how they celebrated by sneaking out and stealing food from the markets, but it didn't sound like much fun to me. What if they got caught?

Orochimaru hummed in affirmation, and I scrunched my face up in thought.

"Oh yea! Sometimes the matron gives us more food for dinner if she remembers," I exclaimed, jolting upwards with excitement. Sensei pushed me back down wordlessly with only a warning glance, unsurprised by my sudden movement.

I flopped back down, and my face fell as I remembered that the matron didn't even remember my _name_, let alone my birthday.

"But she'll forget," I mumbled with a little sigh. Quickly, I searched for a different topic.

"But chu must be happy too! Tomorrow you'll be Hokage!" I all but yelled, my fingers trembling with excitement.

Except… I didn't get the reaction I expected. Sensei's mouth curled into something resembling a grimace but looked more like a snarl.

I watched with mounting horror as the glow on his hands faded, yet he remained still, staring at my chest yet his gaze was distant. And _angry. _Furious, even.

I realised immediately I had said something wrong. I felt a chill run down my spine and my throat tightened, making breathing difficult.

For the second time, I felt a wash of terrible anxiety. Oh no.

"Sensei, I'm sowee, I-"

I didn't even see him move, but suddenly that empty vase that sat so innocently on the shelf had been swept off with smooth movement of his hand.

It shattered on the ground, into a thousand red pieces, glimmering under the harsh white lighting of the room. He was staring at me with such _rage_, my heart stuttered.

My eyes welled with tears and I heaved for breath. I brought my hands in front of my chest, hugging myself tightly, and tried to talk, to rectify whatever it was I had said wrong, but my words came out strangled and choked.

"Sowee- I'm sowee- I didn't m-mean to-" I couldn't continue as a sob wracked through my body. My lip trembled and I cried helplessly, because what would I do now, he hated me, I had made him hate me and-

But then he closed his eyes and his features smoothed over and that _terrifying _aura surrounding him faded away.

And when he reopened his eyes, he looked like he was back to normal. But I couldn't stop _crying_, and I hid my face in my hands as I tried to regain control of myself.

"My apologies, Ayako-chan," Orochimaru said, and his tone was back to its usual self too, light and amused. "That was very rude of me."

I couldn't talk through the sobs tearing through my body. A hand stroked through my hair while I hyperventilated.

"Shh, it's alright now Ayako-chan," he hushed me soothingly as I slowly got my sobbing under control. I was still trembling when I finally took my hands away from my face.

I pressed my palms into my eyes, attempting to get rid of my tears.

"I'm sowee, I'm sowee, t'was an accident, I'm sowee-"

My babbling was cut off when I found myself pulled into his chest. He had my face pressed into his shoulder and rubbed my back soothingly.

My crying slowly died away and slumped into him with exhaustion. I couldn't even properly enjoy my second hug, because my mind was still racing with fear and uncertainty.

He held me for a little bit even after I'd stopped crying, cooing soothingly into my ear and stroking my hair as I hiccupped occasionally. My eyes slid shut, and I relaxed enough to enjoy his warmth and scent, the feeling of having someone hold me close.

Just as I felt I was about to fall asleep, he let me go and I blearily blinked my eyes open as he laid me back down. He resumed working on my chest as he spoke.

"I will not be hokage, Ayako-chan. But I still intend to become a kage one day."

I sniffled and nodded, not daring to ask what that meant. We spent the rest of the session in silence.

* * *

**Just to clarify, Jiraiya is technically meant to be out training the Ame orphans but he came back and visited for a day. He won't be coming back though.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Warning for a panic attack this chapter.**

* * *

Aiko hadn't turned up at the orphanage for a few days when I finally found out why.

"Sora disappeared?" I gasped.

Tenzo nodded, looking worried, his mouth in a grimace. We were sitting on the wall at the front of the academy. We'd had to climb a little bit to reach the top, but both of us had managed without falling. Now, we could see people on the streets on the other side, our legs dangling as we watched people go about their daily lives.

"Yea, Ena is taking over her duties for now because she's sad. The matron couldn't find a replacement, because one wants to work _here. _There are too many orphans and not enough staff. But anyway, apparently he wasn't the only one to disappear. Quite a few people have randomly disappeared in the last few days."

I gulped. That sounded scary.

"Do dey know who did it?"

Tenzo hesitated as if about to say something, but then shook his head.

"Nah, they don't know yet."

The silence that followed was broken by an angry yell.

"You two! The two on the wall! Get down from there!"

We glanced back to see Ena glaring up at us, shaking a fist. We traded glances before scurrying back down. Maybe one day, we would try climbing down the other side of the wall.

* * *

Ena dropped me off at the clinic and hurried off without a second glance, leaving me to pace about anxiously. After what had happened last time, I was more than a little nervous to see sensei again, even if I still yearned to be in his company.

I didn't have to wait long. Orochimaru made his presence known, gliding into the reception area and immediately catching everyone's attention with his grace and presence.

I suddenly felt out of place. Here was a really special, important man, coming here to treat a nobody like me. Would he resent me now? I gnawed on my knuckle as he approached.

"Ayako-chan." His voice was soft, a gentle caress to my ears, and I felt myself relax. I smiled hesitantly up at him, lowering my fist down. He smiled back and regarded me for a moment.

"Let's get started, hm?"

He swept towards the hallway and I rushed to follow him. I trained my eyes longingly on his hand closest to me like I usually did, wondering if I would ever be special enough to hold the hand of someone like him.

We entered the room, and it looked different without the vase to brighten it up. Darker somehow. There was barely a speck of colour to add any cheer to the dank atmosphere.

And soon enough, I was in my usual position on the bed. I was still too nervous to chatter how I usually did, and so it was he who broke the silence first.

"Will you forgive me for last week, Ayako-chan?" he asked.

For a moment, I was confused. What did he mean? Why was he asking me for forgiveness?

I gaped for a moment, but then I felt hope bloom in my chest.

"Yea! I'm not angry! Or, or mad at all! It's twue!"

I could feel excitement bubble up in my chest, making me want to explode with happiness. He wasn't angry at me!

"Remember to be still, Ayako-chan," he tutted, but there was no heat behind it. His golden eyes gleamed with amusement as he watched me writhe with happiness. I quickly struggled to contain my body, beaming all the while. My cheeks hurt with the force of it, but I couldn't stop.

"Did you have a good week, Ayako-chan?" he asked as he resumed with his hand on my chest once my writhing had been reduced to faint quivering.

"Yea! But me 'n Tenzo got in trouble for climbing de wall in fwont of the academy,"

And then I remembered the other news.

"Oh yea! Sora disappeared like all those other people, an' now Aiko is all sad," I told him. "She stopped working for a bit."

"Is that so?" he asked lightly. I nodded seriously.

"It's twue. But…"

My eyes darted about, and I nodded to myself once I had ascertained no one had snuck into the room while I wasn't watching. Even so, I lowered my voice to a whisper.

"But all of us were _weally _happy when we heard Sora was gone," I confided. "But don't tell anyone I said so! 'Specially Aiko," I added hastily.

Orochimaru's lips pulled into a wide smile.

"Your secret is safe with me," he said, a contented smile playing at his lips as he returned his attention to the clipboard.

"But chu should be careful," I added solemnly. "There are ninja disappearing, too."

He chuckled; a low, silky sound, full of mirth.

"I think I will be alright," he smirked broadly. "Don't you have faith in me, little one?"

I twisted with delight at the nickname, almost causing his hand to come off my chest.

"I do!" I hurried to clarify, despite my silly grin. "You're _weally _stwong! Like the sun in summer!"

He laughed and shook his head, as if in disbelief. I liked listening to his laughter; it was a mixture of his usual husky, velvety voice but it chimed too, like wind-chimes in the wind.

I felt giddy at having elicited such a sound from him.

When he walked me out afterwards, I gathered the courage to grab his hand. But just as my fingers were about to intertwine with his, I pulled back guiltily. Still, it was the closest I had ever gotten to holding his hand. I let that console me as I was returned to Ena.

* * *

Despite the fact that the Yellow Flash had been appointed Hokage, not much changed in the village. Daily life continued as usual for Tenzo and I. Numbers in the orphanage dwindled as the older orphans began to move into their own apartments. Others were adopted or had other family members tracked down to take them. Not only were people more likely to adopt now that the war was over, but for every kid adopted there wasn't a wave of ten more that replaced the adopted one.

There were also still disappearances occurring, and orphans from some of the other orphanages had started to disappear. It was only a matter of time before one of us got taken, or so Ena informed us, ordering us to always remain in sight of a caretaker.

It was scary. Everyone was agitated and fearful, and the usually active, cheery atmosphere of the orphanage was now paranoid and suspicious.

It wasn't enough.

* * *

I was woken up in the night by a rustling beside me. I cracked my eyes open enough to see Tenzo wriggling out from under his covers, before glancing around to check if he'd woken any of the other sleeping orphans in the room.

He was probably just going to the toilet. I rolled over and went back to sleep.

Despite being my birthday, the day started like any normal day. I woke up in my futon and stretched, yawning as I glanced to my left.

Tenzo's futon was empty. He was probably at breakfast already.

And thus, as the other kids around me rose, yawning, and skipped from the room to breakfast, I followed.

Tenzo wasn't in the mess hall. I ate breakfast, alone despite all the kids chattering around me and flinging porridge at each other.

I was determinedly not worrying just yet. Maybe he was outside playing somewhere.

I searched outside after I washed my bowl and put it away. Feeling the beginnings of dread pool in my stomach, I did a long, intensive sweep of the entire orphanage.

Two hours later, and there was still no sign of him.

Finally, I ran back to the matron.

One Saturday morning before dawn, May 2nd 62 years after Founding, Tenzo was declared missing.

I returned to my futon.

"Ayako-chan! Come play with us," a girl, Kame if I remembered right, called from the doorway out of the dorm. I shook my head and pulled my knees tighter to my chest.

Someone called Kame's name, and the girl hesitated, torn between trying to convince me to come and going out to play. She shot me one last pitying look, and then she left me alone.

It was quite sad, that I only realised then that my only true friend was Tenzo. And now he was _gone. _

I clutched at my chest, feeling it clench painfully.

It was my birthday today. No one remembered. The only one who would have remembered was no longer here.

I was alone.

My throat felt so, so dry, like how the matron described the Suna desert to be. My body was shivering, quaking with sobs, but no tears would come.

And my ears were ringing. Why were my ears ringing?

There was blood rushing through my head, and I could feel my heartbeat in my ears.

Why was the world spinning?

My heart stuttered and my head felt like it was splitting open-

_My chest my chest someone my chest hurts-_

The room tilted and I slumped to the ground.

.

.

.

I woke up surrounded by blaring white lights.

It was all blurry. There were several forms dressed in white surrounding me, with white surgical masks pulled up over their lower faces and white surgical caps on. I tried to sit up, but someone pushed me back down. What was that beeping sound? Where were they wheeling me? Why was everyone rushing and talking so loudly? Why did my heart hurt so much?

My eyes burned with tears and I opened my mouth to cry for help, but none of the figures seemed to take note of my distress, too focused on yelling orders.

Except one. I felt a familiar weight on my head and I tilted my head back to see the figure at my head. Warm serpentine eyes above the surgical mask. Despite everything I felt a thrill of happiness at the sight of those eyes, and suddenly everything seemed like it would be ok.

And then a strong sense of fatigue washed over me, and I was unconscious before I knew what had hit me.

* * *

I woke up slowly, groggily. My throat was sore and tasted like acid, and my brain felt fuzzy. I mewled at a sudden, deep ache that bloomed in my chest when I tried to sit up.

I was alone in a little curtained-off space. I immediately recognised it as one of the hospital rooms, and I could hear a low hum of conversation of the other patients in the room. I could hear that same insistent beeping. A glance to my left revealed, at the price of a sharp headache, that it appeared to be a monitor of some kind, and when I managed to push down the sheet covering me and lift my hospital gown, it was to see that there were lots of circle things attached to my chest.

And a long, stitched-up incision just to the left of my chest, about six inches long.

I was scared, confused, but also really, _really _tired. I felt my consciousness fade the moment my immediate questions had been answered, and I drifted off.

* * *

When I woke up next, I felt slightly better. My throat didn't hurt so much, and my mind was far less fuzzy. I could sit up with only a dull ache in my chest.

I stared at my hands in my lap for a moment. I slumped forward and let out a succession of moans and whines expressing all my jumbled emotions.

"I warned you not to stress yourself."

I jerked back up into a sitting position and twisted around, immediately regretted the motion, my chest twanging with protest.

I caught sight of Sensei, sitting on a chair to my right, one leg crossed over the other, with a book in his thin, long-fingered hands. He turned a page as he spoke, not even looking at me.

I had so many questions, but I couldn't get any of them out. I settled for a watery smile, because at least one good thing came of this.

I got to see Sensei earlier! Sensei was visiting me!

"How come…?" I rested my hand over my heart, where the long incision resided.

"The chakra coils around your heart burst and caused chakra to pour into your chest cavity. Chakra is toxic, even to yourself. It began to break down your heart. It's lucky you were found soon after, otherwise you would be dead."

I tilted my head.

"Dead…" I repeated, my mind flashing back to the _reason _all this had happened.

I felt that horrible tightening in my chest again, the welling of tears in my eyes. I should have been left there, in the corner of the dorm. Maybe, Tenzo would be waiting for me, on the other side.

The only light in my life was this man, the one sitting in my room, but even he only cared for me because of my stupid, broken heart. If I disappeared tomorrow, I would anybody notice? No one seemed to care that Tenzo disappeared.

But I didn't cry or scream or sob. I just… sat there, my chest hollow.

I heard the sound of a book snapping shut, and then the bed dipped as a weight sat beside me.

And a hand gripped my chin and forced my head to turn.

"Child, what's wrong?"

I looked up into those hypnotic yellow eyes, and as usual I couldn't deny him anything.

"My fwiend… my only fwiend… he dis- dis-disappeared," I whispered, feeling as if a stone was lodged in my throat towards the end, making speaking difficult. I hiccuped.

"…I see," Orochimaru murmured, and I leaned my head into his hand, which was stroking my cheek gently. My eyes slipped shut and my breathing evened. But all too soon, the feeling disappeared, and Sensei was standing up.

He picked up his book and turned to the exit.

"I have a lesson with Anko-chan today. The session is cancelled this week, as you will remain under the hospitals care for the next few days. Don't expect me for the next few days for Anko and I are going on a training trip."

For a moment I reached after him as he walked away, my mouth parted, preparing to beg for him to stay just for a bit longer, before I remembered myself.

I lowered my arms and my head.

"Kay, sensei. Enjoy your twip."

And then he disappeared through the curtain and I was left alone.

* * *

According to the nurse, I'd had to have the remaining toxic chakra in my chest expelled by a specialist.

She said I'd be monitored here for a week at least.

I'd nodded along, and after taking some measurements and getting me to drink some water she'd disappeared.

I lay back down and passed a week and a half staring at a white ceiling.

* * *

Aiko came to pick me up at the end. She didn't say anything as she entered my curtained off area, had just appeared and jerked her head in indication for me to get up.

Still, I'd felt such happiness at seeing her, at seeing _someone. _I was scared that I was going to be forgotten.

I smiled and got dressed into my tattered plain brown orphan clothes and followed her back to the orphanage. It was rowdy there as usual, high-pitched voices calling out to each other, the sound of thumping footsteps on the creaky floorboards.

And I trotted off to find Tenzo, before I remembered. And now that I'd remembered, suddenly my return to the orphanage didn't feel so good at all.

I climbed up onto the limestone wall at the front of the orphanage and watched the passer-by's out on the street.

I sat there until the sun fell over the horizon, and the air chilled, and I knew that the Matron would be calling all the orphans in soon.

This was my chance.

I took a deep breath and lowered myself down the wall.

On the other side.

Carefully, I scaled down and stood next to the street. It was less busy now, with the oncoming darkness.

I began to walk. Just… walk. I didn't really have any direction, but I just kept walking. And after an hour, I found a grassy patch overlooking a body of water. The area was empty. It was ghostly silent. So I sat on the grass and just stared out over the water.

Waiting.

The last of the light faded from the horizon, casting deep shadows in its wake. I shivered and drew my knees tighter to my chest. I picked at the grass glumly.

But hours passed and the hum of activity died down to almost nothing and it was _really _dark and I still hadn't disappeared.

And then I felt a prickle of fear. What if this was a mistake? But no, I would never forgive myself if I never even _tried _to find Tenzo.

And then I could feel it. The presence of the person, or people, or _thing _that would make me disappear. I felt their shadow fall over me.

I braced myself, scrunching my face up with determination and tried to swallow back my fear, however futile. My body quivered with fear, but I wasn't going to give up _now!_

"Make me disappear," I whispered, and it came out far more dramatic than I'd intended.

There was a moment of silence, deep, encompassing silence, like feeling the world suspend for just a moment. Like the moment before one's last breath. Like the silence when you can feel the Shinigami behind you with its reaper raised above your neck and nothing else in the world matters.

But then, the moment was shattered by a familiar voice.

"Ayako-chan…"

I pitched to my feet, guilt and fear flashing through me with the worry that _oh god I was in trouble!_ This was a bad idea, since I was on a slope, and I tripped and tumbled, but thankfully managed to stop myself rolling into the river.

I clambered to my feet and looked at Sensei with wide eyes.

"Aren't chu out twaining wid Anko?" I asked after a stilted silence, but it came out more as a squeak.

His golden eyes glimmered in the twilight. He tilted his head and smiled.

"I came back this morning."

(I didn't realise there was no 'we' in 'I'.)

I scuffed my feet, briefly wondering why he was out this late too. But he was an adult. Adults do weird stuff.

"What are you doing out here, Ayako-chan?"

I froze and my mouth worked open and closed as I searched for a response. He had his hands in his pockets, and he had the standard flak jacket on and his hitai-ate. I had never seen him with his hitai-ate. The sight made me smile before I realised it.

But then I remembered my situations and it faded.

"Am I in twouble?" I asked instead, my teeth chattering with not only cold, but worry too. He surveyed me silently, causing me to vibrate nervously in place.

He hummed and beckoned me towards him. I hesitated for a moment, but the idea of displeasing my favourite person had me quickly scrambling to stand before him.

With a single motion of his arm, he swept me up into his arms. Despite myself, I let out a burst of joyous laughter, and I was so excited that my body writhed in his hold and had he not been an accomplished ninja, he no doubt would have dropped me.

"Ayako-chan, if you wriggle anymore, I _will _drop you," he warned as he began walking with me in his arms.

"Sowee, 'm _trying_," I giggled nervously, fighting to calm my errant body.

I took advantage of my new position to lean into him and feel his warmth. I pressed my face into his neck, enjoying the soft, warm skin. My hands, trembling with excitement, clutched at his chest.

"Which way is your orphanage?"

"It's dat way!" I pointed back the way I had come.

"The Eastern orphanage? That's quite far, Ayako-chan."

"Hehe…" I giggled, twitching nervously. "I walk _weally _fast!"

I was rewarded with a hum in response, and then Sensei began to walk towards the orphanage in a pace that wasn't sedate but wasn't particularly hurried, either.

"We have our last session tomorrow, Ayako-chan. Why don't we go out to celebrate after."

I stilled, feeling my heart beat erratically. Last session? But I didn't want it to be our last session! What would I do after? Would I never see him again?

Then again, I still needed to disappear so I could find Tenzo. Maybe it was for the better.

"Oh… ok, Sensei."

There was a hand gently stroking my back and I found my eyes drooping. I felt so warm, I was no longer shivering, and I felt so _safe. _Is this what other kids got to feel, all the time?

My arms found their way around his neck, and I was glad I'd walked this far. Because now I got to hug sensei for longer, to be held by him. I imagined that this is what it felt like to have a parent.

I let my eyes fall shut, lulled by the rocking motions as he walked.

I couldn't enjoy the sensation for the whole trip, because I slipped into darkness only moments later.

* * *

**Pretty jarring chapter, but when you're having a panic attack and in such a confusing situation it's pretty understandable. Poor Ayako. And Tenzo.**

**Anyway, next chapter will _technically _be the last but I'm going to have a couple of follow up chapters like an Oro POV to tie up some loose ends and maybe a few others if people request it of me.**

**Please review, fav etc all that stuffs if u wanna it would be very appreciated.**


	5. Chapter 5

I woke up the next morning on my designated futon in the orphanage, feeling refreshed like I had never before.

Today, I was going to meet Sensei at the clinic, and then we would go out to celebrate!

And tonight would be the night I would be with Tenzo again! I jumped to my feet happily and navigated through the masses of sleeping children.

But first, I had something to do.

I slipped out the back door of the orphanage and dashed over to the Big Tree.

I found myself kneeling before it with a sharp rock. I began the process of chipping away at the trunk in a small space between hundreds of names, some as old as Konoha itself, and some only days old.

One of them, faded and almost overrun with other signatures, caught my eye. But then I dismissed it, because it couldn't possibly be.

After and hour of deep concentration, I leant back and wiped my brow, smiling at my handiwork.

'Tenzo' and 'Ayako'

I nodded to myself and stood up, tossing away the rock and dusting off my knees.

Now, all I had to do was get ready to see Sensei. Which meant nothing more than taking a two-minute cold shower. Normally I wouldn't bother, wouldn't want to suffer through a cold shower just so I wouldn't be as dirty. But now, well today was special, so I would grin and bear it, and I would find those clothes Tenzo would hide under his bed in the instance that he would need to change to impress some possible adults looking to adopt on short notice.

Even if they were a bland grey, and the shorts were slightly frayed and the shirt had a little tear down the side, they were better than my current clothes.

* * *

I only had to wait for a minute in reception before Sensei arrived, dressed in a stunning, silk black kimono rather than his usual white lab coat, and his hair was down rather than tied up. With grace that would make a geisha jealous, he glided towards me and held out his hand to help me to my feet.

"Shall we begin, Ayako-chan?"

I was too excited to form a coherent sentence, my body wiggling with such ecstasy as I took his proffered hand, beaming like the sun.

He had dressed up for this occasion. That meant he cared about me at least a little, didn't it?

And he led me to his bland room, and we began the ritual that was now a habit more than anything. I tore off my shirt and he set his hand over my chest and took notes occasionally as the white walls were tinted with a green glow.

"I have a nice restaurant in mind, Ayako-chan," he said softly as he worked. "It's not very far from here, and they do a nice Kaiseki."

My body spasmed with excitement at his suggestion. Kaiseki? That was a fine dining experience! Orphans like me could only dream of such things!

Nervous giggles erupted from my chest as he was forced to pull his hand away until I could get my body back under control. But this time he didn't send me a stern glance, he just smiled in amusement and watched me attempt to calm myself multiple times, to no avail.

Almost an entire minute later I finally I managed, panting at the exertion of controlling my wayward body.

He chuckled and his hands resumed their glow. For the rest of the session I was smiling so hard my cheeks hurt.

* * *

He was leading me outside onto the street, and my eyes had locked onto his hand, almost shrouded by his kimono sleeve, as I followed behind him.

Could I do it? _Should _I do it? Would he react badly and call this whole thing off?

I licked my lips nervously. I _really _wanted to hold his hand. I really, _really _wanted to.

This might be my last chance, after all. Because tonight, I would disappear, and it was my dream to hold someone's hand and feel like I had a family.

Resolve hardened, I took a deep breath, and my hands twitched towards his-

"We're here, Ayako-chan."

I blinked and relaxed my hands at my sides as I looked up and saw we had come to a stop outside a very nice, formal looking restaurant.

I suddenly felt a well of anxiety in my chest. I didn't know how to act in a place like this. Everyone inside was wearing really nice clothes. I glanced self-consciously down atmyself, taking in my own ratty clothes. At least they were clean. Suddenly I was glad I had the foresight to wash.

I looked back up and found myself staring at a slender, pale hand hovering before me.

I almost gasped but instead I looked up at Sensei with big, big eyes.

Because it was clear he was offering his hand for me to take.

I almost couldn't breathe because of happiness. My body wiggled and my hand trembled as I took his, and he led me, hand-in-hand, into the restaurant.

"Reservation for Orochimaru, please," he said to the lady at the front. She frowned down at me, probably about to point out the dress code, but then a glance back at Orochimaru made her mouth click shut.

"Back right, sir, miss," she said, pointing.

I clutched Sensei's hand tightly as we walked through the main dining area and to a sliding door at the back. Everyone was dressed so _nicely. _Like Sensei.

Sensei opened the paper door and I looked inside to find myself staring at a spacious room with a low table with a cushion on either side. It was a simple, elegant set-up. The only other furnishing was a vase on a deep oaken stand. The vase was a simple black colour, with a pattern of blue waves etched on it. It had what appeared to be bamboo sticks sprouting from it, tall enough to almost touch the roof.

He gestured for me to enter first, and I did so, without letting go of his hand. He slid the door shut behind us and we slipped our shoes off and put them on the shoe rack next to the door.

A room for just the two of us! I was brimming with delight.

Finally I was forced to let go of his hand as we sat on opposite sides of the table. I hesitated for a moment, watching him flow gracefully into a perfect seiza. I had never been taught how to sit like that before. I clumsily tried to emulate him, and it was highly uncomfortable.

Sensei chuckled as he watched me flail.

"Sit how you usually do, little one."

I glanced at him and beamed, relieved to move into a more comfortable position.

Almost the moment I was settled, the door opened by a woman on her knees with a tray set before her. She stood up and entered, and I watched with awe as she knelt at the head of our table and set out the teacups on our table and poured us some green tea. She also had small, folded towels which she set before us also.

"Your first course, zensai, will arrive shortly," she said, bowing her head and standing back up before retreating from the room.

The moment the door closed behind her I spoke.

"Wow, dat was so cool!" I chirped excitedly. "She brought us tea!"

I had never been in a restaurant before, let alone one as high class as this.

"It was. It's a common practice to have private rooms like this with such services in these types of restaurants."

I nodded vigorously and turned my gaze to the teacup before me. Orochimaru lifted his with a daintiness and poise that I could never hope to emulate, but still I tried. I carefully took hold of it with both hands and lifted it towards my mouth. I blew on the tea, watching the steam whirl away at my breath.

Then I took a sip.

And barely refrained from spitting it out. It was bitter! I didn't realise my face had bunched up with distaste until Sensei chuckled.

With a flush and a nervous giggle, I placed the teacup back down on the table, almost splashing it everywhere in my haste.

"It does take a while to get used to," Sensei commented casually, taking another sip of his. "I suppose it might not be to the taste of a child such as yourself."

I blinked and tilted my head. A child such as myself? What did that even mean? Was he inferring that I was being childish and rude?

"It's fine!" I rebuked quickly. "I like it, weally!"

I lifted it back to my lips and took another minuscule sip.

Ugh. Still bitter.

"See! I _do _like it!" I declared, hoping my wincing wasn't obvious.

He laughed and put his tea back down when the door once again slid open, and I quickly followed suit, relieved.

I vibrated with excitement as the woman entered and appetisers were set out on the table. Orochimaru dipped his head in thanks, and she bowed silently in response and left.

"Wow, dat's so pretty!" I exclaimed, quivering at the sight. I had never seen such beautifully presented dishes before!

As the evening progressed, many courses were set out before us. I was already full after the third course, Hassun, a seasonal platter. But I was determined to keep going. Not only was this a once in a lifetime experience, it might make Sensei mad if I don't keep eating! He would have paid for all of this for nothing!

"What do you want to become when you're grown up, Ayako-chan?" Orochimaru asked as the vegetable course was set before us.

My eyes squinted shut in thought. Well, if I ever returned after disappearing…

"A researchuh!" I decided. "And I'd save lots of people and be a hero, just like chu!"

I gave a happy wiggle at the thought and smiled dreamily at him. He smiled softly, but for some reason his eyes didn't dance with their usual amusement and mirth. In fact, they looked a bit…

"I was an orphan like you, did you know, Ayako-chan?"

I jolted in place as I processed his statement. He was an orphan? Like me?

"Weally?" I asked with wide eyes. His eyes- like compressed suns- glimmered for a moment.

"Yes, although I was older than you are now when they passed."

My heart felt like it would explode with happiness. Because he was a bit like me! And somehow, he had become such a special, important person. It was with no small amount of awe that I looked upon him, my eyes positively shining with admiration.

There was still hope, for me. My eyes were filling with tears, and my lower lip started to tremble. I realised because despite my aching smile, Sensei's form across from me started to blur, distorted, warped by my tears.

I squeaked when I noticed and hurriedly wiped the tears away with the towel- even though Sensei had told me it was only meant to be for hands.

"Uh- sowee, Sensei, I didn't…" I trailed off as I gathered myself and faced him again, confused at my own response.

But he simply grinned, a fang peeking out from between his lips.

"I stayed at the same orphanage as you. I'm surprised the place is still running."

"I tink… I tink I saw your name on de Big Twee," I said, remembering back, my eyes lighting up. "I was there, dis morning, an' I carved my name 'n Tenzo's, an' I saw yours!"

I was almost losing it, so excited that Sensei had once been in the exact same position as me.

He raised a brow.

"Ah yes, I remember that tree…" he trailed off, looking lost in thought as our course was once again replaced with one of the last courses, or at least I hoped. I felt ready to burst, and not just from happiness.

But I didn't care, because this was the best evening ever, and even if I had to keep eating forever I'd do it to spend just a bit more time with him.

And then our last course was served, a light dessert. I honestly wasn't sure if eating it would kill me, however, my stomach felt that full.

I poked at it and let out a shuddering breath.

"Perhaps you shouldn't have eaten so much of the nimono," he commented lightly as he took a bite of his own.

"'twas yummy," I responded, before taking a deep breath and steeling myself. This was it, the last course. I could do this.

I slowly took a bite of the mizugashi, wincing a little despite the delicate flavour on my tongue.

I managed to get through it, attempting to savour the taste but it was difficult with my stomach painfully full. Still, I set down my chopsticks and looked at Orochimaru who had already finished and was watching me.

My legs were going numb from sitting for so long. I looked into his eyes and smiled, but my smile faded when I felt my arms start to go numb too. I blinked slowly, not looking away from him.

His face was expressionless as he regarded me.

I wanted to say something, to cry for help, but seeing him looking so calm, I felt myself relax despite the numbness washing over me. And slowly I slumped forward, and he reached out a hand the caught my chest before I could topple onto the table.

I could feel tears stinging my eyes. My heart hammered in my chest as I felt myself lifted easily over the table and then I was settled in his lap, and he cradled me and wiped a tear from my cheek. I sniffled and my lip trembled, but I didn't sob, or yell, or scream.

I didn't break eye contact as he rocked me gently, even as the numbness crawled up my spine. Looking into his eyes made everything ok, even if some part of me was telling me that there was something very _wrong _here.

But perhaps… perhaps it was my sensei who would take me to Tenzo.

"I wuv chu," I told him, my voice barely a whisper. I felt a burst of happiness at having said the words, for having a reason to say them for the first time in my life. Not even the numbness in my body could stifle my last little, happy wiggle.

The world was going grey, and soon I couldn't keep my eyes focussed, and everything just became an incoherent blur.

But that was ok. I could still feel his heartbeat against my cheek, could still feel his warmth surrounding me and his soothing rocking motions. My eyes fluttered, but I couldn't keep them open.

I softly exhaled one last time.

The darkness took me.


	6. Orochimaru

**Thank you to my wonderful reviewers! You are the reason I continue to write fanfiction. I love you all~~**

* * *

The first thing he noted about her was how _small _she was. He'd quickly glanced over her file before he'd come out to collect her, but even for a four-year-old she was quite small. Barely past his thigh, in fact. It made her eyes look all the bigger; large, light blue orbs that seemed to take up half her face. It was probably made worse by the fact she was quite thin; not enough to lose her baby fat, thankfully, but still skinny compared to a healthy child.

And she was alone, too. Inwardly, he'd scoffed, because what parent leaves their child- a sickly, malnourished one at that- alone in a place full of strangers? Then again, considering the horrible state of her bland clothes and said malnourishment, it seemed they didn't care much for her one way or the other.

In any case, after a moment of ascertaining the child's parents weren't lingering in an inconspicuous corner, he'd finally accepted that he was too be alone with this tiny, probably incomprehensible, being.

She'd entered his room and he was immediately reminded of an overexcited puppy. A puppy that wagged its tail so hard that its whole body ended up wagging too.

Children. Excitable little things, even over such a small thing as his bland appointment room.

Really, if he wasn't so annoyed at Sarutobi-sensei for ordering him to return to taking appointments like a simple doctor, he'd have appreciated the adorableness far more.

As it was, he sat down in that damn roller chair he'd been exiled to for the last three hours, attending to various snivelling, wretched patients, and let out an inscrutable sigh as he picked up her file.

A heart condition. How boring. It was an unfortunate condition in that there was currently no immediate cure, and treatment had to be administered every week. He would have to be seeing this toddler weekly until he could transfer her to another medic the moment he was certain Sarutobi-sensei was appeased by the time he had donated to this 'good cause'.

Any other medic with a shred of intelligence could provide treatment- but of course, sensei dearest thought him taking on these easy tasks would be good for his 'psychological wellbeing'- as if the damned fool thought he knew more about that than someone who had spent years in the research field of biology and psychology.

Finally he turned back to the child, resisting the urge to roll his eyes as he noticed her guiltily withdrawing her hand from where she had been prodding his hybrid jar.

"Ayako-chan, my name is Orochimaru. I am going to be looking into your condition."

It had been quite some time since he'd had to introduce himself. Most people immediately recognised his distinctive features, but clearly not this child. Not that he was terribly surprised considering her age.

She positively beamed at him, her smile so bright it almost hurt to look at. And she nodded with such force he wouldn't have been surprised if her little neck collapsed.

"Kay, Orochimaru-sensei!"

Now wasn't that just adorable. Not only that, a few moments later he had to reign in his laughter as he led her to the bed and watched her struggle to get up. He'd known immediately she wouldn't make it, but rather than help he settled for watching her take a deep breath and lunge upwards. A rather pitiful attempt, not that he was expecting much more considering her stature.

It was hard to remember being that small, having to struggle over something so trivial.

Finally, he took pity on her, and helped her up, but just enough so she still had to work to get the rest of the way.

"Thank chu," the little thing stated with such solemnity he had to laugh, shaking his head.

He could work with this, he supposed. At least this patient was cute, unlike his other ones.

.

.

.

He'd forgotten about her almost the second she had left, having far more important things on his mind. The week had passed in a blur, training with little Anko, being asked questions regarding Tsunade's sudden disappearance (she'd abandoned them, of course. He knew it had been coming for a while, but a small part of him still hurt. Now he was alone, even Jiraiya had chosen orphans over him), researching his latest projects, being asked to take over some of _Tsunade's _projects since everyone else in this damn village was too incompetent to do so, staving off Danzo and his shady offers, and then he was back to his one 'free' day, which wasn't free of all. It was his day of 'volunteering' his services to the hospital so that he could complete his menial appointments when he could be studying.

(Even though he was getting paid, everyone knew that such a job was beneath him. And really, he scoffed at such a meagre pay check.)

But alas, Sarutobi-sensei still wanted him there.

He was just dismissing his third patient that morning.

"You're a sweet boy, Orochimaru-sensei," the old hag said, and patted his cheek with her wrinkly hand. He resisted the urge to bat it away, instead settling for rolling his eyes the moment her back turned. She was a regular with a horrible respiratory problem, and she didn't have enough money to pay for surgery, so she ended up coming to him weekly.

He could just as easily fix her problem himself and get the old bat out of his life, but then he would have had to take on another patient and that was no better.

Suddenly he was drawn from his musings when he sensed a little presence dashing towards him, and his mouth twitched into an involuntary grin as he looked down.

He had to search a moment for the child's name- the week had been rather hectic after all, but he found it a moment later.

Ayako.

.

.

.

Her attempts to set him up were amusing, of course, but then having her announce in front of Anko and Jiraiya after one of their sessions was… well, _embarrassment _wasn't something he felt often but there it was.

Still, at least he wasn't the only one. Seeing how bright red the Aiko woman had gone was most amusing, but it didn't really make up for it. Through gritted teeth, he had explained that she was _not _his girlfriend, before pushing (he was _this _close to shoving the audacious child) back towards her caretaker.

It was hilariously clear what Ayako wanted when trying to set them up. She was, after all, an orphan who was likely afforded very little affection or attention of any kind from adults especially seeing as she was born during wartime. If he was correct, he was possibly her strongest attachment figure even though he only saw her once a week. Such a sad child.

But amusing.

Quite intelligent, too. She knew he likely didn't give a damn about her, aside from her being his patient. But her need for attention and affection overpowered that. A sad child, indeed.

(He still had the little picture she had drawn him, folded neatly on his nightstand next to his team photo. He would look at it occasionally and chuckle, shaking his head.)

.

.

.

Jiraiya only visited for the day, leaving once more with a vague promise of returning at some point. But Orochimaru could only watch as his second friend turned his back on him.

He knew he wouldn't be returning any time soon, knew it more than Jiraiya himself.

He sneered at the man's back as he disappeared into the distance, returning to the three orphans. Those three were worse than even Ayako; before Jiraiya had come into their life, they were feral children who'd had no one to raise them and they were barely surviving in their war-torn country, relying off the scraps any passer-by's would spare for them.

Orphans. The world had no place for them. Like himself and Ayako, they would have been better off dead than continuing their pathetic existences. But of course any killing, even mercy killing, was not in Jiraiya's ridiculous code of heroism and morality.

Still, they had hope now with Jiraiya. But they would always bear the burden of their past, like he did. Orochimaru's eyes closed as he dredged up the faded memories of his parents.

It had all started with his ambition to see them reborn, just as Sarutobi-sensei had foretold. His life had been spent pursuing immortality for that goal, even though he had long since come to realise it was foolish to believe his parents souls would be reborn. Ridiculous. There was no evidence behind such things, in fact there was an abundance of evidence on the contrary.

But still, the thing about childhood is that what you believe then… never really leaves, no matter how he fully understood that such an eventuality of his parents being naturally rebirthed was most likely impossible. But still, he endeavoured, if only for his own curiosity at this stage. He had long since come to terms with the death of his parents.

But… his future was darkening. He could see it, more than anyone it would seem.

Tsunade and Jiraiya. They didn't see it. Or if they did, they didn't care enough for him to stay. And their sensei was oblivious, turning a blind eye to the point where Danzo's movements were subconsciously ignored even if they were to be thrust right under his nose.

Danzo hadn't issued an order yet, but if he did Orochimaru would have no choice but to obey. Danzo had been indirectly given the power to do what he saw fit in the village, including disposing of Orochimaru for 'non-compliance'. Not that he was horribly against what the man was asking of him, but if word ever got out it would jeopardise his chances at becoming Hokage, and it would also bring him deeper into Danzo's influences which was the last thing he wanted.

Still, despite how much it would interest him to run the tests Danzo had proposed involving the Shodaime's cells and the Mokuton, the tests would taint his reputation tremendously if found out. He had taken a quick glance over the files that had 'anonymously' appeared on his bed (simply out of curiosity, of course, before he'd burned them out of annoyance at Danzo), and he knew that he would require children for such a test. Infants even, for the greatest chance at bearing fruitful results.

Well, he could always try on adults first, of course, but the plasticity of their chakra coils (or lack thereof), along with the high chance that the DNA would be immediately rejected would likely kill them. It wasn't much better with children, but at least there was a higher chance of it working with them.

The tests had an extremely high probability of failing completely, that was certain. But… it would be interesting.

But no. He would not give in to Danzo just yet. Plus, as much as he seemed to lack the moral code that 90% of the Konoha population seemed to run off, the idea of killing children still left a sour taste in his mouth. And if he could become Hokage, he could escape Danzo once and for all.

.

.

.

Not many days after Jiraiya left, Orochimaru was standing before the Hokage, his head held high. Beside him stood Minato, one of Jiraiya's former students, and Danzo.

Next to the Hokage were the council members, watching the proceedings.

At last. Today… was the day that one of his goals could- no, _would _be accomplished.

There was no reason for Sarutobi-sensei not to choose him. While the boy Minato was famous for his exploits against the Iwa nin, Orochimaru himself was more famous. Not only had he been named a Sannin, he had fought in both wars and been groomed to be Hokage himself by none other than the Sandaime.

Danzo, he knew, was merely a candidate due to formality to appease the village elders, who wanted to see that the Hokage was 'considering' him.

But it was Sarutobi-sensei who had the final say. There was no chance Danzo would be chosen, he was far past his prime and while Sarutobi-sensei let the man handle the necessary darker matters in the village, that would also work against him. This village needed men like Danzo, but he would never walk in the light.

Sarutobi-sensei observed them all with pride, citing the reasons why they were being considered, looking each one in the eye as he did so.

And then, addressing them all, he spoke.

"The village council and I have put much thought into this. We have decided that the next hokage shall be…"

And he felt his shoulders tense. He _knew _he was the best choice, he had been groomed nearly his whole life for this moment, yet why was he having a moment of-

"Minato Namikaze."

And for a moment, his heart stopped. It didn't make any rational sense why he had been passed over, he was the best candidate and yet…

He glanced to the side, seeing Minato smiling, but past that…

There it was. A shadow of smug satisfaction passed over Danzo's features.

Danzo… Danzo knew Danzo himself would never be chosen. He should have known that the old war hawk would go out of his way to make sure Orochimaru wouldn't get chosen either. He had probably been placing the seeds of doubt in Sarutobi this whole time, if not directly then using the elders to do his bidding, and Sarutobi had trusted them over his own student.

And not only that…

A glance at Minato again. The boy was too young. He didn't have his head in the game yet. Intelligent, certainly, but he had not been groomed in the game of politics. Easy to control, from Danzo's perspective.

And Orochimaru had the sudden urge to laugh. Because of _course. _Of course he wouldn't get chosen. Things were never that easy with Danzo, and yet he had made the grave mistake of underestimating him, of being so confident in his certainty to win the seat.

And now, Danzo would move in again, and he would have no choice but to accept, now that his one true chance of escaping the man's influence had been ripped from him, just like his trust of his _sensei._

His Sensei had spent his whole life building him up to be Hokage, grooming him in politics, only to rip the rug out from under him at the last second.

And he felt such _anger _in that moment, such _frustration _that his own _sensei _would betray him, would fall to the manipulations of others so easily. Perhaps working for Danzo wasn't such a bad idea, at least the man knew what he was doing. He had no reason to stay in the light anymore, not when his dreams had shattered into a million pieces not moments ago.

A dream. That's what this had been. Nothing more than a withered hope.

His entire team… had betrayed him.

.

.

.

The first thing he did, the moment he stepped out of the Hokage Tower, was do away with the peace-keeping duties the former Hokage had given him.

He dropped Tsunade's unfinished projects and even some of his own (despite his interest in them- he could come back to them later) and turned his attention to more important things.

He accepted Danzo's request, even though he was giving the man what he wanted, his curiosity over the Mokuton project was almost overwhelming. Despite the low chance of success, to be able to study the DNA of the Shodaime himself would prove most interesting, and Danzo wouldn't notice if he took a few samples for himself.

Unfortunately, if these tests were found out, he would be a sacrificial lamb. A scapegoat. Danzo had even prepared had a temporary lab built for him that was completely devoid of the workings of ROOT so that blame would land solely upon himself. No matter. He wasn't planning on staying in the village for long.

It was… agreeable in a way. He'd always wanted to have the freedom to do his own studies that the village would consider unethical, and with this secret laboratory he would be able to carry out some of his other curiosities as well. Danzo had even provided some other facilities further afield.

Next, he went to the clinic with a spring in his step and had his patients transferred.

Except… he picked up one pile from the stack he was about to hand over. This one… this one he would keep, for now. Taking no more than an hour off every week to tend to the child would provide an excuse to leave the lab and still be seen around the village 'helping'. It would hopefully alleviate any suspicion that might come onto him too.

He wasn't planning to stay in the village for long, though. In fact, if all went well, once he had satiated his curiosity he would let his Sensei find him. He smirked as he imagined what Sarutobi's face would display. Regret? Fear? Shame? Oh, how he longed to see that moment.

Maybe he'd even keep up a correspondence with Danzo. At least the man had the will to better himself and the village through whatever means necessary. He was certain the man would be more than willing to keep up correspondence even after he defects.

Hm… he also had to deal with little Anko. He could simply keep training her until he went rogue, maybe even take her with him but…

No. He would cut every last tie he had to this village, just like how everyone he cared for in this village had done to him. And one day, he would come back, when he was powerful enough, and he would take revenge on Sarutobi for ever doubting him, and on this village for denying him, for keeping him contained despite worshipping him, for spitting on his dreams despite him doing everything _right._

_._

_._

_._

Organising everything had taken two days, and long into the night and the wee hours of morning, and then _just _as he was finally lying down to sleep when he suddenly remembered he had his little patient to get to.

He almost snarled as he quickly made his way to the clinic. His temper was frayed from having no sleep for the past 48 hours and planning out exactly how he planned to spend his next few weeks in this damned village. And the backup plans, of course.

He arrived at the clinic and closed his eyes for a moment. He'd reapplied his makeup before he came so it hid most of his fatigue, but he would have to keep his temper in check.

He stepped in and immediately caught sight of Ayako, bouncing on her seat, annoying the other patients around her.

He smirked a little. Such a cute little thing. Although he was certain he knew why she seemed so excited, and he would have to compose himself if she were to mention…

He felt his mood darken, but he knew it would come up at some point, even if it was a particularly sore point for him at the moment.

Still, he approached the back of her chair.

"Ayako-chan, chairs are for sitting, not bouncing," he murmured, and seeing her jump and beam at him so _happily _made his heart pang. How annoying.

He resisted the urge to sigh and beckoned her to follow him, not missing the way she hesitated slightly. She had sensed his bad mood, it would seem.

"I-is the old lady ok?" Her voice piped up from behind him, sounding worried.

For a moment, his mind blanked on what she was talking about. But he wasn't a genius for nothing, and even decoding child babble wasn't beyond his limits.

He made the connection in a moment. Old lady. The only old lady she would likely know in relation to him was the patient that used to come immediately before her. And she had been transferred, meaning when he had entered the building, it had been from the main entrance rather than the hallway to his appointment room. She must have come to the conclusion that she was dead or otherwise hospitalised, since she was a regular.

She was a sharp child, indeed.

He chuckled, but for some reason he didn't find any humour in this the way he normally would. He was vague as he answered her questions.

"Am I… am I gonna be transferred?" she asked after a pitiful moment. How easy it was, to use her emotions against her. Her need for love.

He was silent, watching curiously as the blood drained from her face. Truly, it was pitiful to see how much she depended on him. Such a sad child, indeed, and he almost laughed as she stumbled from the weight of his betrayal, her arms reaching out for support.

He felt a vicious satisfaction, being able to create such a reaction. To have a child, who relied so heavily on him, break from such a simple thing. He was so important to her, yet he had done barely anything for her, except allow her to foster an attachment. How quaint.

But… perhaps he saw himself in her, facing the weight of everyone's betrayal.

Her arms reached out blindly for him a moment before she collapsed, and he bent down and caught her tiny body. So small. So light. So _breakable_.

He held her there, against his leg, just looking at her young, childish face as her breathing evened out. She was so… fragile. A child that no one spared the time for, because she was just another number. An orphan among many. She had no future, no one to take care of her, to save her from being conscripted to the academy and sent out before she could even develop properly, to be canon fodder.

It was almost a minute later that she regained consciousness, and he watched with amusement as she gaped up at him, her thoughts flashing so obviously across her face as she threw herself away from him, no doubt in fear of his reaction.

He decided to put her out of her misery.

"Calm yourself, child, your case still interests me."

It was a lie, of course. Her case couldn't be any less interesting if she tried.

As he started the session he indulged her like he usually did in small talk. Not something he usually spared anyone else except Anko and his teammates, but his teammates were long since gone.

Her birthday was coming up. He remembered when things like birthdays used to be a big thing when he was younger, even when he was an orphan they'd had enough funding to buy each orphan a small cake on their birthdays. But not so for little Ayako in this time of war, it would seem.

Seeing her so excited despite the lack of celebration was still amusing. How she could be so enthusiastic when it seemed no one would even _remember _her birthday, except for perhaps her little friend Tenzo she was always babbling about, was beyond him.

But then the moment came when she brought up the inauguration.

"But chu must be happy too! Tomorrow you'll be Hokage!" she cried out happily, her little fingers shaking with excitement. She was probably trying very hard not wriggle so much so as not to disrupt him, which normally would have amused him, but despite his earlier preparations to try and compose himself he felt anger well up inside him and he let the medical jutsu fade from existence as he stared, unseeing at her chest.

Sensei… oh, how he _hated _what he had done, how he hated being betrayed by his own _team_. Teams were meant to be like family, but his _family _were all selfish traitors.

He noticed the form under him quiver, felt the anxiety radiate from the child beneath him, her form so small on the already small patient bed.

He _snarled_, swiping off the only hint of life in the room- the red vase- off the shelf beside him. It fell to the ground and shattered, marring the ground with dangerous red glass.

That vase was fragile, too, just like the child that shook so adorably in the face of his wrath. And he didn't take his eyes off her as he watched her mewl out apologies between sobs.

She would shatter just as easily as his vase, should he want her to. He could crush her right here, right now. She was tiny, untrained, weak and malnourished.

He closed his eyes and let her little wails wash away his anger. He would have to run damage control if he wanted to restore her trust. It shouldn't be too hard, considering how clearly deprived of any kind of affection she was, physical or otherwise, and the thought made his lips twitch with amusement.

"My apologies, Ayako-chan, that was very rude of me,"

She shook so terribly as he brushed his fingers through her soft, fluffy hair. As soft as a kitten. How precious. He suddenly wondered who her parents had been; certainly, they would be horrified if they saw how neglected their child had become. The village wasn't one to care for the children of the deceased, despite how the Hokage may spin their tales.

He brought her to his chest, cooing into her ear. He held her gently, stroking her back comfortingly. His hand almost covered the span of her entire back.

Apart from Anko, he had never held a child before Ayako, and perhaps it was the dark irony of the action, but he found it rather therapeutic. Perhaps it was also the knowledge that he could control her so easily, could comfort her or break her in his arms if he so wished. But another part of him simply enjoyed the sight of her tiny form huddled to his chest with such reliance, such trust. And her little body stopped shaking after a while, and he soothed her until her breathing evened out and her body began to droop with fatigue after her impromptu sob session.

He wondered what his team would think, if they saw him like this.

He held her longer than he really needed to, and it was only just as he sensed she was going to fall asleep the he placed her little form back on the bed.

.

.

.

Since he would have to be collecting subjects himself, he would start with adults in the unlikely incident that he wouldn't require children. And it would be interesting to compare results on the effects of the DNA insertion into adults versus children if it failed.

So naturally, his first target was Sora. At least he would have the satisfaction of killing some of the scum of the earth while he was at it- the chances of survival were, after all, minimal.

Sora was a good candidate, too. He was a healthy young adult, and a career genin. Career genin weren't exactly missed when they disappeared, since they were easily replaceable in the eyes of the village.

Orochimaru was, of course, meticulous in making sure the man's disappearance didn't leave any clues pointing towards him. But he didn't bother leading false trails; let the village come to a conclusion on its own. He would be ready by the time they figured it out.

He chose a few more adult victims; a civilian woman that he remembered spreading rumours about Sakumo Hatake, someone he had once admired (he still had that little prodigy brat running around somewhere, didn't he? No doubt he was being groomed as Hokage under Minato's guiding hand, just like Sarutobi once had to him); A man that Tsunade had complained had been involved in foul play; another career genin that used to bully his little Anko despite being years older than her when they had briefly attended the orphanage together.

Over a few days after collecting his subjects, some fifty or so that he managed to gather, he began his testing.

It was quite thrilling, to be able to conduct his experimentation without the usual limits of morality that the village set against him. But Danzo could clearly see that the benefits outweighed the cons; the amount of progress that was possible when morals were set aside was truly enormous.

But alas, not twenty-four hours after injecting the DNA, all of his subjects were dead. The sample size was too small to really say for certain if it would _never _work on an adult, but time was of the essence now that the village was aware of the disappearances. It would be better to start on the children as soon as possible.

Fortunately for him, Danzo was willing to lend a few of the children he had 'spare' that had been born into the ROOT program and therefore weren't on village record.

It was almost a mercy, killing these children off before Danzo would begin his brutal brainwashing. No doubt he'd had them bred into his little legion of mindless drones.

He was supplied with thirty ROOT children, ranging from the ages of zero to five. Most of them he could easily tell why they had been offered up; some of them had defects, or low chakra reserves, or simply frail statures. It wouldn't be as much a waste to lose them since they would likely grow up to be below par as ROOT agents.

He would still need more, though, to prove the most accurate results, but he set his limits at another thirty. Children, aside from orphans, were highly protected in the village (such hypocrisy, truly) so snatching up a few stray orphans was his best bet, and he wouldn't have any enraged parents to force along an inquiry either, lending him more time. He would stagger the disappearances and make sure he was random and unpredictable in his kidnapping.

On top of that, as his planned defection grew nearer, he would have to absolve his ties with Anko.

He had one of his labs that Danzo had cleared for him as a _reward _for his work, albeit outside Konoha, that he would take his little Anko to on a 'training trip'. He still needed to test out the curse mark he had created. Not for a week or two after the Mokuton project was over, though. If he left suddenly, just after the disappearances stop, he would be an immediate suspect and he couldn't have that. Not yet.

.

.

.

Ayako was so terribly nervous. Her age had never been so blindingly apparent, not with the way she was sucking on her knuckles as he approached, no doubt a comfort mechanism she had learned to rely on since no one would offer her the comfort she required.

It was no surprise she was anxious, considering how they had parted last session. Having to face him all alone after how she had treated her despite the comfort he had offered her after. Poor child.

He was gentle as he greeted her, and it was so adorable, the way she looked up at him with such wide, hopeful eyes, lowering her hand from her face. He briefly wondered how much she had thought about him the past week, worrying about this encounter.

She was silent as he lead her into the appointment room and began the session. It was odd, seeing her so silent, seeing her body so still compared to normal. It would look natural, on anyone else, the absence of restlessness and boundless, untamed energy that normally thrummed beneath the surface of her every action, but not on her.

And he didn't like it. Despite it being counterproductive to his medical jutsu, watching her little body so uncontrolled amused him to no end.

So, he spoke first.

"Will you forgive me for last week, Ayako-chan?"

For a moment, there was silence, and he could read the confusion straight from her features. It was unlikely she had ever been asked forgiveness before, being a mere child; people tend to think that it is below them to apologise to children, orphans especially. No doubt she had learnt that forgiveness was something not easy to get, even when the fault really had nothing to do with her.

And he watched, smothering a grin as he saw the realisation that he was taking the blame for his actions, and that he was willing to pander to her need for affection, come over her. Not that she thought of it like that, of course.

"Yea! I'm not angry! Or, or mad at all! It's twue!" she cried with such sheer joy, it was truly music to his ears. He could count on one hand how many times people had spoken to him with such a tone.

And her happiness clearly overcame her, and he watched as her body all but exploded into action, _writhing _beneath his hands almost like she was in pain. But her face told the opposite story.

It was fascinating, really. Sometimes he wondered if she had motor control problems. But he couldn't help the way his lips quirked at the edges. In any time of peace, she surely would have been adopted, for this trait of hers was truly endearing. It would be interesting to see if that trait would continue into adulthood.

And she was so childishly quick to forgive, after he asked how her week was she was back to babbling almost immediately.

And when she mentioned Sora's disappearance, and whispered her 'secret' that she was glad he was gone, he couldn't stop the triumphant grin that twisted his features.

"But chu should be careful. There are ninja disappearing, too," she told him after, her expression so _grave _he couldn't help but laugh. Truly, she was adorable, to care for him. To worry about him. He wondered if she had an inkling to the truth; after all, beneath everything she was an intelligent child though you wouldn't know it at first glance.

But if she did, it was locked away deep in her mind, behind the wall of her subconscious. Perhaps a defence mechanism, even; after all, was it not better to please a potential predator and not draw attention to one's self than show signs of fear and suspicion? Especially since she needed him for emotional stability.

"I think I will be alright. Don't you have faith in me, little one?"

The nickname slipped out before he realised it. The response made up for it; she jerked and trembled beneath him with pure happiness as it registered, beaming at him.

And she hurried to assure him of her faith in his skills, and as they left later he watched her almost gather up the courage to take his hand, but withdrew a moment before she did. She thought she was subtle, but her longing was so glaringly obvious whenever he walked her down the hallway, to find her staring at his hand with such pure longing.

Well, it was certainly closer than she had ever gotten before. So cute. Perhaps next week, she would manage it.

.

.

.

There was a child he took, a boy with brown hair that was hurrying back towards the orphanage Ayako was from. He had wide dark brown eyes and in his hand, he had what appeared to be a small wrapped gift.

It was as he was climbing the outer wall that Orochimaru struck. It was easy, to catch his prey, wrapping his hand around the boy's mouth to muffled his cries, and pull him away from the wall.

"Sh," he cooed, patting the struggling child on his head even as a snake constricted around his throat. "You know it's dangerous to be out alone, don't you, especially with all these disappearances…"

Honestly, as adorable as it was to taste the child's fear and watch him struggle, he couldn't help the grimace that crossed his features. The boy fell limp in his arms, and he tossed him over his shoulder.

The fun was taken out of it with the knowledge that this innocent, helpless child- and the many others- would die by his hands.

But if he truly wanted to reach immortality, he needed to get over his moral dilemmas. The reason research in most fields was so _stagnant _was because no one was willing to sacrifice the lives required for the better good.

But not him. He would not allow his genius to be restricted, not even if it meant killing children.

.

.

.

It was, in fact, in the middle of injecting a child with the Shodaime's DNA that the clone he had tasked with training Anko dispelled.

And the memories flooded back. Someone from the hospital had interrupted their training to inform him that Ayako was in the hospital, and that his experience with her condition would be most helpful in the operation, if he wanted to spare the time to help.

She'd suffered cardiac arrest.

His response was instant. He'd lunged away immediately without a word to either of them so that he could privately dispel, since the clone was simply a diversion to carry out his daily tasks so that suspicion would not fall upon him too early.

With a curse, the real Orochimaru dropped the test subject in his arms without a second thought- the child was already dead by the time he was out the door, its little body ripped apart by branches- and he shunshin'd to the hospital.

She was being resuscitated when he found her, ready to be wheeled into one of the emergency theatres.

Within seconds, he had his latex gloves, surgical mask and cap on. The others in the room recognised him immediately and despite the fact he wasn't on duty and hadn't signed in, there were no complaints as he immediately took control of the operation.

The resuscitation appeared to work, but he knew it wouldn't last long. The reason her heart was failing was because her chakra pathways had worn away, spilling chakra into her chest cavity.

He barked out orders, and the team began pushing the bed towards theatre 1, preparing her as they went.

She looked so small, lying on those white sheets that seemed to drown her form. And as they were hurrying towards the theatre, she stirred. Her eyes opened, those large blue eyes, only to be immediately overwhelmed by the sound and commotion around her. Understandably, of course, waking up to such a situation caused the poor thing to become distressed. Surrounded by strangers in masks, confined to a bed, being rushed to who knows where.

She started to wail, but the sound was drowned out by the commotion. And there was an odd twinge in his chest as he noticed how helpless she was. Even if she cried out for help, who would come? Who would help this defenceless orphan?

He placed his hand on her head and watched her tilt her head back and settle her teary eyes on him. The effect was almost immediate. She recognised him, and suddenly she was quiet and calm, staring up at him with such trustand… and suddenly he recognised the pure, naïve, innocent _love. _

It was so blindingly obvious now, the true extent of her feelings. Somewhere, he'd always known he'd been encouraging her attachment, mostly for curiosity's sake. But now, he wished he hadn't.

How strange it was… one glance at him in such a stressful situation, and suddenly it seemed like she didn't have a care in the world. The kind of blind, unconditional trust that could only ever truly be fostered between a parent and their child, or perhaps the most intimate of partners or friends. He had seen it before; he remembered being introduced to little Kakashi over Sakumo's shoulder and had seen the way the two looked at each other.

He never thought he would be on the receiving end of such… _love_, but she had given it to him. It was not something he thought would affect _him, _even should he be privy to such adoring eyes.

His throat suddenly tightened, to the point where even breathing was difficult. And it was only a heartbeat that she looked at him, before he couldn't take it.

A flick of his finger was all it took to put her under a genjutsu, inducing a deep sleep until the operation could be fulfilled.

.

.

.

He found that having his hands deep in the child's chest was also not entirely pleasant, but he wouldn't trust any of the other incompetents around him to perform the most vital task of this operation; correctly re-establishing the chakra networks around her heart and having a stabilising chakra unit formed around the main spillage. And he had to have the chakra in her chest carefully suctioned out before he could even begin on healing the damage to her heart.

That, unfortunately, was when she flatlined, and he felt a moment of hysteria that he had never felt in his _life, _and suddenly he understood with startling clarity exactly what Tsunade had felt when trying to save Dan.

That had been a failure, but this would not.

He'd had to improvise, ordering one of the others to step in and keep building the stabilisers while he analysed a solution in his head. It was extremely risky, and he had never heard of it being done before, but if he didn't try _something _she'd be dead within the next minute.

He, within mere _seconds_, created a chakra scalpel and cut her heart out. With no heart pumping, there was little blood leaking from the veins and arteries he'd just severed. He passed the heart to an assistant, but ordered her to keep it within viewing range.

"Sir-!" one of the senior surgeons looked alarmed. After all, they were probably clueless as to his motives.

"Shut up!" he snarled. If he wanted this to work, he needed all his focus set on the task at hand.

The other surgeons watched, ashen faced, as he began to work. He had no time to take measurements, so he would have to work from the visual he had of her little heart.

He was, in effect, creating a chakra heart. Chakra was a highly flexible substance; it defied all known laws of nature. If people could create chakra scalpels, could they not create a chakra heart?

The problem, of course, was not the construct itself; it was whether he could keep the heart beating. It was a spontaneous experiment, that had never been tested before, and yet if he didn't… well, suffice to say he was going to try.

Not only did he have to create a stable heart out of pure chakra, with a lining of earth chakra that would keep it solid, he needed some way to keep it beating. And the only way he could think of was a seal.

He hissed in annoyance to himself. If he had Jiraiya and Tsunade here, this would have a far higher success rate. Tsunade would know exactly how to condition the heart, and Jiraiya would be able to create the seal. But with his own knowledge, he conceded that perhaps… perhaps it was better that it was himself, since he could combine both medical and fuuinjutsu knowledge to make sure the seal would be effective, for Jiraiya could get the timing incorrect.

He cut his finger, his mind working furiously to go over the correct formula for a seal that would work. Only seal _masters _could make seals on the fly, but if he wanted this to work he would become that master.

Using his own blood, he began to draw out the seal on the heart. Fuuinjutsu was a strange art, it didn't work with logic, in fact it seemed to draw upon the will of the specialist. Eight strokes of his finger, and he had what appeared to be two asterisks; one below the other. Each line corresponding to ten strokes per minute. He'd worked with her heart enough to know her heartrate.

The kanji for 'Beat' came next, directly under the aorta. A tri-prong of commas for stabilisation.

And…

He hesitated. He was missing something. He had approximately twenty seconds.

He needed something to represent change, growth, _life_, something that would ensure her heart would still grow and change with her body, so that in ten years her heart will still be working for her body.

With a jolt, an answer came to him.

_Reliance. Dependence. _

Reliance on the nervous system. Dependence on the mind, the neurons and hormones that needed to communicate. Growth was a biproduct.

Ten seconds. How would he communicate those two words in such a tight space?

There was almost absolute silence in the room, apart from the thrum of machinery.

They probably didn't understand why he was simply hovering over her makeshift heart, unmoving, when the seconds were clearly ticking away to her death, but they certainly trusted him if they-

Trust.

Trust was all encompassing. Fuuinjutsu, as he had said, was strange. Everyone that dabbled in the art of fuuinjutsu knew that each mind, each connection worked differently. Its why explosive seals had to be made by specialists and bought instead of everyone simply copying down the seals and making their own.

The chakra heart had to trust the child's body. Simply writing the kanji for 'trust' was not enough to cover the grounds required.

With that knowledge in mind, with the full clarification and justification of what he intended to convey, he drew an eye. Or, something resembling one, right below the kanji for 'beat'.

.

.

.

It took hours. 7 hours, to be exact, to carry out such a delicate process.

The seal… worked. Well, they wouldn't fully know until a few months if not years, but she was stable when they sewed her back closed.

The surgeons were oddly quiet as they finished up. It didn't take long to find out why.

Almost the moment he left the debriefing, word of his accomplishment spread.

It was, he realised, enough to make him a legend in the field of medicine _and _seals, for not only creating a fully functioning heart out of chakra alone in _less than 40 seconds_ but also creating a seal that combined a thorough knowledge of human biology and seal mastery. On the spot.

However, he felt nothing but fatigue as he showered and changed clothes back in the privacy of his small apartment. The last thing he wanted right now was more attention, and as amusing as it was to walk past a nurse only for her to faint on sight at him, he _truly did not want to deal with Sarutobi._

But alas, as if the fates had descended to punish him, he felt his _former _sensei's chakra appear in his kitchen/dining room.

It was almost 11pm. Truly, all he wanted was to sleep. In petty frustration, he spent an extra twenty minutes even though he knew that Sarutobi knew that he knew that he was here.

Or because of it.

When he finally stepped out, his sensei- _former _sensei, didn't even have the grace to react with anything other than an indulgent smile.

"Word travels fast," he began, and Orochimaru resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Straight to the point, as usual. "I heard that you stepped out of an operation only two hours ago, having performed two feats never before seen in history- and succeeded."

"Thank you, Sarutobi-_sensei, _for stating the obvious," he all but spat. The last thing he wanted right now was to be waylaid from a long sleep.

The man had the audacity to _frown. _He supposed he shouldn't be surprised; the last thing his sensei would expect from his once prized student was him turning down an opportunity to gloat.

"Are you alright, Orochimaru?" he asked, and his tone was soft.

Well, it appeared that the man still knew how to baby him after all these years, after _betraying _him. How dare he put on such a caring façade. Oh, he would see the light soon…

"How touching. My dearest sensei finally decides to show his face after letting me down. Just so he can talk politics on my newfound _status._"

He sees a flash of guilt, a clear admission as any, pass over Sarutobi's features.

But, to his credit, instead of making a case the man just sighed and took a long puff.

"I _am _sorry," he murmurs, looking Orochimaru in the eyes. The man is shameless, but that's to be expected. Despite how Orochimaru hates to admit it, the man is- _was _a good hokage. Great, even. "And I know it is something that you will never forgive me for. I ask only that I may still have the pleasure of congratulating my student when he reaches new, untold heights."

And Orochimaru felt himself wavering. He hated it. Hated that this man had made a place for himself if not in his heart than in his memories, and that would never change. The passage of youth was the most vulnerable time to fall prey to bonds, and that was why this mattered so much.

Why his betrayal hurt more than it had any right to in his rational mind.

He should have been congratulating him for something else entirely. Should have been paying him the respect of a kage.

(But it's still possible, isn't it? No sane mind would consider it, building a village on your own that is, but people never exactly called him sane.)

"Well, consider me congratulated. Now, if you wouldn't mind…" he gestured for the door, staring the other man down.

After another long drag, the man ambled for the door.

But he stopped, just before he exited.

"You must care for her, that child… feats like the one you just accomplished don't happen for just anybody. I am proud of you, Orochimaru."

And the door clicked shut behind him just in time for a glass from his kitchen bench to shatter against it. Orochimaru wanted to scream his anger, because this was all _wrong._

But no. He had to compose himself. Even if it was his own former sensei, his loss of control was not only unsightly, it was _suspicious._

Still, it was too late now. Seething, he went to bed.

He would finish his tests tomorrow. Then he would take Anko and things would begin to unravel, for his village that is.

.

.

.

There was a survivor. A child, no younger than three but no older than five, that had survived longer than the previous record of ten hours. It was thrilling. Danzo himself had come to see the fruits of his success.

It was still possible that rejection could occur, thus the boy would have to be monitored for the next few days. He'd be kept in the test tube.

The possibilities were enormous. But out of a sample of sixty, unless they could source children from outside Konoha, or drain ROOT of its future agents, it was too dangerous to keep taking children. So for now, Danzo would have to make do with this one child.

The sample was too small to conclude the mortality rate; it was possible that this child was a descendent of the Senju and that it was pure coincidence that he had survived.

In any case, Orochimaru had asked Anko to pack and he would be leaving that afternoon. Basking in satisfaction at having even just _one _successful trial lasted long enough for him to make his final arrangements before his mind drifted to Ayako.

He still had a couple of hours to spare. He could use it to finish his report for Danzo about the experiment, however…

He could do that later. Instead, he picked up a book (32nd edition of the burgeoning field of epigenetics) and shunshin'd to the hospital.

He asked at reception for her room, and the man at the desk was looking at him with wide eyes, full of awe as he pointed him in the right direction. His mouth was hanging open, and working as if he wanted to say something, but couldn't get the words out.

He was almost tempted to ask 'cat got your tongue?' to the gaping idiot, but refrained and twisted his mouth into what he hoped resembled a polite smile when the man finally got the words out.

"R-room 4-a," the man stuttered, his face blooming a deep red.

Really, people are so melodramatic.

He walked away only to hear the man let out a dreamy sigh when he thought he was out of earshot.

Pathetic.

Entering the room and seeing the child unconscious, he checked over the clipboard at the end of the room and read the notes the nurses had left.

She'd be in for a few days. No doubt she'd be restless. It was unlikely she would have any visitors too.

He approached the side of her bed and lifted the gown she was wearing to check on her wounds. It would scar, unless she had the means to pay for a specialist in scar tissue removal, but that was unlikely to happen.

With a soft snort he pulled her gown back down and rearranged her sheets. There were no flowers on the stand, nothing to identify a passing of a visitor. Truly a lonely child. It was abhorrent, for she was certainly not the only orphan neglected like this, and really it was no wonder Danzo found it so easy to 'recruit' members without anyone batting an eyelash. It was so easy to take advantage of these children; it was a gaping blind spot in the so called 'Nice Village'. But of course, such is the way of nature; in most cases a child of any species will be left to fend for itself unless its direct sources of genetics are still alive to care for it.

He sat down in the uncomfortable plastic chair by her bedside and folded one leg over the other to get comfortable, and he began to read. The only sounds were the beeping monitor and the child's even breathing.

Two hours later, he was roused from his reading when he noticed her stir.

Despite glancing about the room, she didn't even process his presence. Probably due to a combination of her drugs still dulling her thought processes, and a subconscious expectation that she would have no visitors.

And then, clearly thinking she was alone, she let out a several heart-wrenching little cries, like a mewling kitten.

"I warned you not to stress yourself," he drawled, by way of announcing his presence. He heard her head whip around, and he finally looked up from his book.

She sent him a smile, magnitudes weaker than her normal exuberance. It wasn't odd, considering the circumstances, but still.

There was a flash of joy, certainly, but it melted away just as quickly. He resisted the urge to frown.

He gave her a quick summary of why she had been admitted.

"It's lucky you were found soon after, otherwise you would be dead," he added on. It certainly was lucky. She could have just as easily been ignored or forgotten in the orphanage.

"Dead…" she echoed, and he watched with mild curiosity as the tears welled in her eyes. He did have a hypothesis as to why she had been impacted so badly, but he wanted to know for certain.

He closed his book, stood up and settled beside her on the bed. He took her chin between his fingers and tilted her head up, forcing her to look at him.

"Child, what's wrong?" he asked, not quite gently but not harshly either.

Her next words confirmed it.

"My fwiend… my only fwiend… he dis- dis-disappeared."

It was most unfortunate. He had taken few children from her orphanage, and the chance that one of them had been her friend were low. But apparently, luck hadn't been on his side.

Curiously, it was one of the boys from her orphanage that had survived. Perhaps…? It would be a most intriguing coincidence.

But then… the boy had been carrying a gift, had he not? And was it not Ayako's birthday yesterday?

Not that it mattered.

He stroked her cheek, watching as she leaned into his touch, watched her stiff body relax slightly with that simple gesture.

But cruelly, he pulled away and stood up to leave. He could sense her desperation, her _need _for comfort, but this time it didn't feel satisfying to inspire such an emotion in her.

Still, he turned away, almost knowing that she was reaching for him. But he wasn't turning back. After a few clipped words, he walked away, keeping his gaze ahead.

He left her alone.

.

.

.

Betraying little Anko was… not as difficult as he expected. Not with his resentment at the village clouding his mind. Not with his drive to sever all bonds in that village, so that he could move forward, move _ahead _just like his team had left him behind.

But more interestingly, she _survived. _And he remembered visiting her in that windowless room he had locked her in. Amachi, one of his researchers, was there too, discussing the results and looking down at her broken form.

She had, against all expectation, lived_. _He had a hypothesis. The curse seal involved a certain amount of fuuinjutsu, and it was possible that some of his… _emotion _for her had leaked into the seal when he marked her, causing the seal to adapt to her. A far-fetched idea, but it was more likely than any other cause he could think of.

He had _wanted _her to live, despite not expecting her to.

In any case, he was… uncertain what to do. He could kill her anyway, but he found himself leaning down, looking into those large, childish eyes that were once almost as trusting as Ayako's, still were, even; and asked if she wanted to come with him.

Because perhaps, if she was willing to betray her village, he could make room for her in his plans. But… no. She turned him away, and yet he could have killed her but he _didn't._

_Curiosity, _he told himself. It would be interesting to see how the seal would affect her, even if he knew it was highly unlikely she would ever tap into that power.

In any case, he would have her memory altered. It was a moment of weakness, asking if she would accompany him, and the last thing he wanted was for her to question him or seek him out.

Let her hate him. He had broken her, and he knew their bond would never be restored now.

Now… there was only one child left to deal with.


	7. Tenzo

**Ok so I was planning on explaining exactly how Orochimaru got away with poisoning Ayako and it was going to involve the waitress being a ROOT agent… but then I thought it would be a waste of words, you guys get the gist.**

**So this is the last canon chapter of my story. I'm sorry it took so long, since I wasn't sure if I really wanted to post it gsqydiegg but thanks to my amazing beta I managed to find the courage ^^**

**Omakes will come after this! Although I doubt any of my old readers are still reading this... haha... **

**I am still open to more omake suggestions tho.**

**Anyway, please enjoy**

* * *

_Sasuke's will… was overpowering. It was astonishing, the true depths of his desire for revenge. Or, more accurately, for justice._

_But Orochimaru only felt an odd sense of relief as he felt his own self, his soul, slowly but surely burn to ash and dust beneath the roaring inferno that was Sasuke's will._

_In the depths of his mind, there was a voice of a young boy reminding him that some things weren't worth pursuing. Not when the cost was so high._

_On the surface, he desired Sasuke's body. The unimaginable things he could do with those eyes… the astounding growth and knowledge he could acquire with such a gift… He would have taken his body without a second thought, as he had many others, had it not come down to a battle of wills._

_Because his will was weak, for that quiet, lonely voice lingered even though he tried to crush it time and time again._

_Perhaps… perhaps he could let this one go. Death here truly didn't matter, for he knew he would come back. He wouldn't really be 'dead' in the first place, although his uncertainty about what would happen during that time of being 'in-between' was potent._

_Orochimaru hated things he didn't know. Feared them, even. Yet he could not bring himself to fight back as the last of his will crumbled and darkness encroached on his vision._

'_Ah well,' were his last thoughts, echoing in his mind. 'It was always going to end like this.'_

And then he opened his eyes.

.

.

.

"There is something I wish to visit, Yamato-kun. Something in the village. I think you might be interested in accompanying me."

Yamato was surprised, tilting his head at the taller man. It was almost five years after the fourth shinobi war had ended, and Orochimaru had changed… a slow progression of changes, but compared to his past self, before the war, it was increasingly evident.

He hadn't changed his wardrobe, still sticking with the beige tunic and black turtleneck, but he seemed… different. His body seemed more slender than it was before, and his movements seemed a touch more feminine.

Not that it couldn't be put down to the man changing bodies, he supposed.

"Why would I want to see something with you?" he asked, guardedly. The two were by no means _friends, _and probably never would be. But now that he had been set as the man's tail, (if only because he could sense the cells of the zetsu cell he was inhabiting, making him perfect for the job) he had been forced to come into contact with the man more than he'd ever wanted.

Somehow, he had been roped into a conversation. Following the man around many a time — watching him do such ridiculous, mundane things like congratulate Naruto and Hinata on their wedding, and despair over no one remembering his birthday (really, if the man wanted people to care about his birthday, he should stop being evil- though, he supposed Kabuto and some of his other underlings _did _care enough for the man to congratulate him) worked wonders in reducing his anxiety around the immortal scientist.

Not that he was in any hurry to forget how intelligent the man truly was, and how cruel and manipulative he could be.

"Because…" the man tapped the coffee mug he was cradling in his hands. The two were at a café just outside Konoha. His orders didn't state that he couldn't interact with the man (though obviously until now, he had entirely avoided it), but after two days of non-stop following the scientist at breakneck pace to get here for some reason, he _really _needed a coffee.

And then, conveniently, the man had stopped at a café, looked directly at him even though he was hiding in a tree, and asked if he wanted to stop for a coffee.

Yamato grimaced. Perhaps that had been Orochimaru's intention all along, to get him to crawl out from hiding so he could talk to him about whatever… _this _was.

"It relates to you. You always wanted to know who you were before my experiment, yes?"

Yamato wanted to groan. Really? He really just wanted to _sleep, _and now this psychopath was springing some sort of massive revelation upon him. Suspicious, certainly, but…

"How is it to do with me?" he asked bluntly, taking a massive gulp of coffee, dearly wishing it had been a shot instead.

"Well, the choice is yours, but I intend to visit a certain tree where one of the old orphanages was once located. You see… that's the orphanage I kidnapped you from."

The effect was immediate. Yamato just managed to turn his head in time to spray the coffee in his mouth all over the nice, timber flooring instead of the dangerous psychopath before him.

A few other customers turned to stare at him with disgust, but he ignored them.

"Please tell me I just heard you wrong," he rasped, the man across from him seeming to find amusement in his predicament. Orochimaru flicked his wrist and the coffee evaporated from the floor before a waiter could hurry over.

"Unfortunately not," he chuckled, eyeing Yamato with his intense yellow eyes.

"Why are you telling me this now? Why does it interest you?" Yamato asked suspiciously.

Orochimaru smiled, but it wasn't like his usual smiles. It was distant, a small, thoughtful smile.

"You probably wouldn't believe me if I told you. I assure you I mean no harm. As I mentioned, the choice is yours."

He stood up, his long black hair swishing with the motion, and he put down enough coins to pay for both of them.

Yamato stared into the distance, remaining seated as the man glided past.

Of course, it wasn't really a choice, was it? He had to know.

His mind made up, he got to his feet and followed.

.

.

.

"This is where the orphanage once was," Orochimaru murmured, standing in front of what appeared to be a retirement home. The place had clearly been refurbished, if not outright rebuilt.

"And this…" he approached a tall wall, Yamato following silently as he watched the man seem to relive a moment in time as he traced the cracked, weathered stone of the outer wall. It was oddly fascinating.

"I plucked you straight from this wall. I'd say you had snuck out, and you had a gift with you that you had just bought, or perhaps stolen from somewhere. You were so small… no older than five."

Yamato felt like the world was tilting on its axis. How did this man… Orochimaru… remember this moment with such clarity? True, it was possible he had a photographic memory (most likely, in fact) but to remember such an unimportant moment in his life with such detail…

"Are you sure that was me?" he asked, disbelieving. It was morbidly fascinating in a way.

Orochimaru let out a huff of laughter. It was almost… _bitter._

"As certain I can be without any concrete proof."

And then, he did the strangest thing.

He flicked his sleeve up and unsealed something from a little sealing array on his wrist.

Two things, in fact. One was a folded piece of paper which he slipped into his pocket, and the other was a small, wrapped gift.

"You planned to give this to someone."

It was so surreal. Clearly, for some reason, this visit meant more to Orochimaru than met the eye.

Or he was playing a cruel joke, but no… it wasn't Orochimaru's style to be so… _blatant_.

For some reason, his fingers trembled slightly as he accepted the package. It easily fit into the palm of his hand, wrapped in silver wrapping and tied with a once vibrant blue bow that had faded over time.

Without a word, Orochimaru turned away and vaulted over the fence. Yamato tore his gaze away from the gift and followed him.

He skirted the retirement home and ended up in the small yard. It was an elegant botanical garden, and yet there was one thing that stood out from all the perfectly trimmed hedges.

It was a massive tree that towered over the garden. Yamato could feel the Shodaime's chakra lingering in it.

The tree was scratched with tiny scrawls, but as he followed Orochimaru closer, he realised that they were names. Names that had been carved into the tree.

And for a second, the botanical garden was overlaid with the image of a plain grassy patch, fenced in on every side. But he shook his head and the image disappeared.

Biting his lip, he watched as Orochimaru knelt by the tree and traced a name at the base. Yamato walked closer, and read it.

He blinked, somehow shaken.

_Orochimaru. _It was written in an untidy scrawl, like the handwriting of a child. There were names that had been carved over the top, but it was still legible.

His fingers trailed higher, passing over hundreds of other signatures.

_Jiraiya._

Yamato felt oddly out of place as he stood there, as if he was watching something sacred.

Orochimaru's fingers lingered on the name of his former teammate. But then they travelled left and settled beside two names, one below the other.

_Ayako._

_Tenzo._

Yamato knew, with a jolt, that those two names were familiar. He just didn't know _how._

But he did, didn't he? There was a face constructing itself in his mind. Well, not really an entire face, but a set of wide, innocent blue eyes. The rest of the features were blurred, but the eyes were clear.

He found himself glancing back down at the gift in his hand.

"Before I left the village," Orochimaru began, his voice soft and melodious, "I decided that I had to learn to bypass my moral limits. And I seemed to think that the best way to do that was to defy the few morals that I did believe in. Firstly, harming children. And secondly, betraying those close to me. Because of my decision, you, Tenzo, and your late friend Ayako at the time, paid the price for my decision, as did many other men, women and children."

He chuckled softly, but there was no humour in it.

"I thought that my decision would harden my heart. And it did… until I severed my final connection to this village. Then, my heart just… shattered. Like porcelain..."

What a strange metaphor. Or indeed, how surreal it was to hear _Orochimaru, _this god-like figure he had _always _feared and thought had no morals, talk about a time before he had become… _this. _Or, more precisely, the reason he had become like this.

"I thought it made me stronger. But if I could change the past, well… I would have changed many things."

Things were starting to come back to Yamato… or Tenzo. Snippets of an overly-excited voice. A man with slicked-back blond hair. Dreams of extra servings of miso soup.

He couldn't believe it. Couldn't believe that all this time, he had been searching in the wrong places for hints of his past. In the end, it was his captor that had the answers.

And he watched this terrifying man pull out that piece of paper from his pocket, and he unfolded it in a motion that seemed far too familiar.

And he... remembered.

"Ayako…" he murmured in awe. His friend. His only and best friend in this place that used to be his orphanage.

"Ah, so you _do _remember," Orochimaru murmured, his hand gliding over the surface of the paper. It had faced the test of time, that was certain; the crayon clearly faded, yet the paper itself was in good condition.

"She wouldn't play with me for almost a week because she was too busy doing chores so the matron would let her borrow a piece of paper and some crayons," he recalled, piecing the fragmented memory together as he spoke.

Orochimaru's face was turned away, so Yamato couldn't see his expression, but he swore he saw the man's shoulders tighten.

"She used to see you for something, didn't she?" he asked, the deeply buried memories resurfacing in a rush. "What happened to her? What… what did you _do?_"

The words came out more accusatory than he intended, but he had felt a flash of fear for what once was a sister-figure to him. Had she suffered the same fate as a Mokuton experiment?

Orochimaru suddenly twirled around and faced him, a glint of mania in his eyes, and Yamato was reaching for a kunai in fright.

"I killed her," he said, his manic expression contorting itself into a neutral one. It was such a sudden shift it threw Yamato for a moment. "How do you feel about that, hm?"

Yamato carefully let his hand fall back to his side, but he doubted the motion had gone unnoticed. Still, Orochimaru didn't even glance down, eyes focussed intently on his face.

He probably didn't see him as a threat anyway.

"You were all she cared about," Yamato said carefully. "She would never stop talking about you. Why did you kill her? How did you kill her?"

Time dulled the stab of pain until all he could feel for the girl that was once his sister was a lingering ache of regret. Of injustice. But this was their world; Yamato had seen too many friends die, and he'd moved forward.

Orochimaru suddenly threw his head back and _laughed_, pain and regret warped into the sound.

"I poisoned her. I remember every moment of it. Would you believe me if I told you that I, too, am capable of being haunted?"

"What do you mean?" Yamato demanded suspiciously. Had the poison been so brutal that it haunted even a mass-murdering scientist? Or…

Orochimaru turned back to the tree with the picture in his hand, tracing the barely defined lines of a figure that was under a scribble of black.

"I mean that it was the biggest mistake I ever made."

There was silence as Yamato tried to figure out what to say, but he did have a burning question.

"What was she like?" he asked after a moment. He could remember the feeling of happiness she inspired in him, but he could not remember things about _her. _It felt… wrong. The least he could do for this little girl that had once been his best friend was learn what little he could about her.

Orochimaru smiled crookedly and sat down against the tree.

"She was always moving, always flailing about and bouncing around. She had too much energy, and whenever you made her happy…" he looked so far away as he recalled memories. "It lit up the entire world. She would shake so much, it looked quite painful," he chuckled softly and shook his head.

"I did not treat her well," he admitted after a moment, carefully folding the piece of paper and sealing it away. "I toyed with her, used her emotions for my own amusement. She had no one else in the world, and she didn't know or care that I was only using her as a source of entertainment. And it was only after she'd gone cold in my arms that I thought… things should have been different. _Could _have been different. That I realised I had given her my heart and when she died, it died with her."

Yamato was frozen like a deer in headlights. Never in a million years, did he expect to hear something like _this _from the very person that had haunted _his _dreams for the majority of his life.

"I- I'm sorry," he mumbled awkwardly.

"Why are you sorry, Yamato-kun? I killed her. It was my fault. As were you. You are a product of my curiosity."

"_I _was not made by you. I don't begrudge my past," he defended himself. "And if memory serves me right… there was no future for the orphans here. At least… my life became interesting."

How else could he look at his past? If he thought of it any other way, he would spiral into despair.

Orochimaru laughed and stared at the sky.

"That is one way of seeing it I suppose. But, if it means anything to you, I _do _apologise, for I tore apart your life and left you to Danzo's mercy."

Yamato felt the blood rush to his face. His tormentor since he could remember, his once captor, had just acknowledged the effect he'd had on Yamato's life.

It all started with him. _He _was the indirect result of… of _pain_ and_ fear_ and_ torture _from Danzo… until Kakashi had appeared in his pathetic existance like a beacon of light. He _had been _lost. He had been living with a hollow heart and a seemingly endless, unforgiving existence.

There were tears flooding his vision, and he grit his teeth at the sudden rush of emotion he felt. He had been trained better than this and yet…

His arm came up reflexively to hide his tears. He was a ninja, damnit! Since when was the last time he'd cried?

Yet he felt… he felt like chains he'd never realised were there suddenly released him from their icy hold, and he was lighter and _freer _for it.

There was a soft chuckle. When Yamato finally gathered himself enough to lower his arm and look back at the man, he saw that Orochimaru had sat down amongst the tree roots and leaned his head back against the trunk.

"You could have resurrected her," Yamato pointed out in an attempt to divert the attention from his lamentable emotional control, although his voice remained slightly hoarse.

"No…" Orochimaru murmured, and for some reason he seemed… peaceful. Like he was reminiscing about something behind closed eyelids.

"I didn't need to, in the end."

.

.

.

_He opened his eyes and he was standing beside a familiar tree. One he had once carved his name into._

_But everything else was… bland, despite being ethereal. There was only a flat plane that he stood upon, below a sky just as white that seemed to meld with it until it was all encompassing. _

_White, white, white and white. _

_But she wasn't. She was a burst of colour, seemingly appearing from nowhere yet impossible to miss. Because nothing else mattered when suddenly he blinked and she was there._

_And his heart stopped._

_She was dashing towards him, clumsy even after the end it would seem. She came to a stop at his side and was wiggling with so much excitement that if his throat wasn't so taut, he would have smiled._

_But he felt his lips twist downwards against his will, and he swallowed, trying to strangle back the painful throbbing sensation he felt building in his chest._

_She reached out to take his hand as she skidded to a stop before him, but then she hesitated, and he noticed the uncertainty flash across her childish features._

_This child… this ball of sunshine and innocence, of unrelenting enthusiasm and happiness… when he had killed her he had done so with the knowledge that if hell had existed, had sealed his fate to his eternal damnation. Even if he never died, his mind would torture him for the rest of his existence._

_Big blue eyes stared up at him with fear and adoration._

"_Um, d'you remember me sensei…?" she whispered, looking so miserable for a moment as she glanced up at him. But how could he have ever forgotten her? She had been... _his_._

_And before he could stop himself he had swept her into his arms and he could feel the tears gliding down his cheeks as he nuzzled into her hair and breathed in her scent. _

"_Of course, Ayako-chan. I could never forget you."_

_And she trembled in his grasp, writhing with such joy that he had missed for all these years._

"_I watched chu all dis time, sensei! An' I tink dat chu were weally mean to me 'n Tenzo, an' all those otha peoples, but I'm weally happy dat- wait, are chu kay, sensei…?" she trailed off when she noticed the tears._

_Her lip had begun to tremble and her eyes shimmered in response to his pain._

_But he smiled, so wide that it hurt, even as the tears flowed from his eyes, because she was here, even if it was only in spirit. And it was strange, for he, who had fallen so far, clearly didn't deserve the love of this being of such purity._

"_I am... I'm sorry, Ayako-chan." _

_Had he ever said those words before? He couldn't recall an instance, yet here and now… It was a confession he never thought he'd ever be able to make._

_She sniffled and he held her face to his chest so she would not see him lose his composure._

"_I was weally sad dat you sent me here," she whispered, and he swallowed with difficulty. "But… but I wike it here way more dan there. You can't see dem becuz you're not weally dead yet, but I have lotsa fwiends here now!"_

_And he closed his eyes and calmed his erratic breathing. She was happy, in this life (or lack thereof) without him._

_He had to tell her something. He hadn't said it before; not to anybody, for his pride was a wall he had never overcome. Even when she had lain in his arms, looking right into his eyes with such peace, and had whispered them to him. Words he never deserved to hear. Even when her eyes had slid closed and she took her last breath. Even after her body had stilled, so unnatural in comparison to her inability to be still. Even when he sat for what had felt like hours, feeling her little body cool in his arms. She had looked so peaceful then, like she was simply sleeping._

_He never did bring himself to say it._

_But in the face of her, at this opportunity he had been granted, his pride crumbled away._

"_I love you, Ayako-chan."_

_And he could almost see the happiness burst forth from within her, lighting up the entire world with her overwhelming joy._

_And she couldn't seem to speak as he placed her back on the ground, but she held onto him a moment longer, her body quivering with such happiness her knees collapsed under her and he had to catch her by the hands and let her slowly slide to the ground._

_Tears of joy trailed down her chubby cheeks and she was smiling with blinding radiance._

"_I wuv chu, too! I wuv chu, sensei! I- I-"_

_Those exact words had been whispered in his ear by his own dreams, leaving him a nervous wreck upon awakening, his heart in such pain sometimes it felt like agony that not even time could heal. But now, his heart ached in a way that wasn't agony at all._

_(He wondered how things would have been different, had he taken her with him that night.)_

_The world around him was beginning to fade away. There wasn't much time._

_And he watched as she attempted to regain control of her physiological functions, unable to stop the quirk of his lips. _

_He got to hold her, to feel her wiggle and squirm happily in his arms. Got to look into her eyes, again for the last time, and reflect her joy back at her._

"_Goodbye, Ayako-chan."_

_She faded away in his arms, but her smile blinded him until the very end._

_She_ _was_ radiance_._


	8. OMAKE 1

**What if…**

**Orochimaru didn't kill Ayako before he went missing-nin and she encounters him on a mission later? (Suggestion by KooraX)**

**Yay for omake! Turns out I'm not so good at doing 'quick' omakes, so lol enjoy the following 6 000 words. Also tysm to my amazing reviewers (the new and the old!)**

**I learnt that Yamato would be approximately 23 in Naruto part one and Kimimaro 15, therefore assuming Kimimaro is about 8 when Orochimaru captures him Tenzo would be about 16 (and so Ayako would be 15/16) Anko is about four years older than them, so she'd be about 19/20.**

**Also big thanks to my beta miilktea! **

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**Just a quick reminder this is not canon to my story! It is a non-compulsory fun extra chapter of a 'what-if' scenario, so reading is optional (:**

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"Whaaaaa?" I all but screamed, whipping around to face Tenzo. Not that it would have made much of a difference, considering how dim the lighting was. "The Hokage wants us to go scout the Kaguya clan? You mean the _crazy _ones? The ones that he suspects are planning an attack on Kiri_?_"

Tenzo winced behind his ANBU cat mask, looking apologetic.

"That's right." The mask muffled his voice to a degree where it was unrecognisable, such was the way the masks worked to help keep the anonymity of the ANBU.

"Why should we care? It's Kiri's problem," Anko scoffed from behind me, setting her mask onto her face. It was the mask of a fox, which I felt was oddly fitting for her character.

"I'm just relaying orders," Tenzo muttered. Then, louder he said; "He wants us to acquire the Shikotsumyaku."

My mouth dropped open.

"He wants us to kidnap a bloodline during the chaos? An insanely murderous bloodline to bring back to our peaceful village?"

"I… suppose…" Tenzo muttered, glancing at the bland concrete roof as if for guidance.

Shaking my head, my lips pulled into a pout. None-the-less I slid my bird mask on and checked my supplies of kunai and shuriken.

The ANBU headquarters weren't exactly kept in the best of states, and as I closed my locker which held the rest of my ninja belongings I couldn't help but cast a subtle glance at Tenzo.

Had it been even worse in Root?

I banished the thought and instead grinned wide, even though the others couldn't see it behind the mask.

"Let's go, then!" I pumped my fist in the air and launched towards the exit. "Kitsune, Neko! Onwards!" I ignored the resigned huffs of my two squad mates as they followed, albeit less enthusiastically.

We had miles to cover, after all, and only two days to get to the destination.

.

.

.

The trip to the selection of caves where the Kaguya clan lived was uneventful. Despite passing over Kiri's border, as elite ANBU we had no difficulty in hiding our presences from border patrols. We travelled for fourteen hours and rotated between lookout and sleeping for the last ten.

It would have taken normal jounin at least four days to the location we arrived in only two.

Tenzo landed a fair distance from the drop where a cliff overlooked the Kaguya caves. I cast out my senses but was pleased to find no one nearby as Anko and I dropped down beside him.

"The planned attack occurs tomorrow," her murmured as we formed a small cluster.

It was strangely quiet; even from our position relatively close to the clan, there is little more than sound than the wind through the trees.

"So how are we going to do this?" Anko asks, and I can almost hear the sadistic glee in her voice. "I say we join the chaos and just grab one and run."

The hit and run tactic, a very basic strategy but still a perfectly valid suggestion, considering the circumstances. It wouldn't be too hard to grab one of the clan members without anyone noticing during the chaos.

Tenzo rakes a hand through his hair.

"I don't want to take any risks. Let's be subtle about it."

"Henge?" I put my suggestion forward with possibly more enthusiasm than necessary. Anko and I are polar opposites when it comes to our styles; Anko loves the thrill of the fight, thrives in the heat of battle and loves throwing herself into everything with all she's got.

Although I also love to put my all into everything, needless bloodshed is hardly something I enjoy about this profession. Not that I've ever had a choice in the matter; I always wanted to be a researcher (even after _he_ left) but as an orphan the village had a different plan for me.

I was lucky to have survived this long. A lot of my fellow orphans died in their early teens being forced into missions they couldn't handle, unlike the luckier kids that got the special opportunity to attend the academy and have a jounin sensei and proper training simply by virtue of having a family or clan to back them.

I didn't really begrudge the village for it; it was just the way it was. I was thrown into the genin corps when I was seven but I _survived. _And I was happy now, because the moment the ANBU took me under their wing when I turned fourteen I was reunited with Tenzo (who I never even dreamed could still be alive) and found another familiar face amongst the masses, Anko.

We were a squad now.

I could almost sense Anko's pout at my 'friendlier' suggestion. Using henges would allow us to slip into the fight with far less chance of being noticed, and we would theoretically be able to grab a Kaguya without too much interference.

"Alright Tori, agreed. Let's observe the Kaguyas and pick a henge target," Tenzo decides. "Let's meet back in an hour. They're going to be planning to move out soon, so we don't have much time."

We nod in agreeance and the three of us vanish.

.

.

.

The chaos begins at three am. The Kaguyas barely seem to have planned their attack, other than to run towards Kiri together with roars of bloodlust. If they were preparing to take the village by surprise considering it was three am, they should at least have kept their voices down.

Anko, Tenzo and I exchange glances. This would be easier than expected. We decided to wait out the majority of the fighting, though I winced every time I saw the Kaguya and Kiri-nin cut each other down.

In the end, it turned out we wouldn't have to henge or join the foray at all. There was a little boy with white hair that was making an escape.

And no one took notice.

Instantly, he became our target. There wasn't even a need to communicate when such a blatant opportunity reared its head.

Silently we followed as he rushed through the trees, leaving the chaos in his wake. The Kiri-nin he did cross paths with he was strong enough to take out alone despite his relative size.

_Wow, _I couldn't help but watch the kid with quiet awe. _He's so strong!_

Even though he was so young, it was clear his abilities were great. It made me happy. Maybe we could bring this kid back and give him a good life in Konoha! Ninja with bloodlines were always well taken care of by the village, and since he was so young the village would probably decide to raise him as their own!

Finally, the kid ended up stopping in at the edge of the very cliff we had arrived at last night, looking out over the destruction of his clan.

_He must be sad to lose his family, _I thought, feeling a twinge in my chest for the poor kid.

But alas, it was time for the three of us to strike. In the shadows of the trees our squad split into a triangular formation around the boy. He hadn't sensed us, and in truth it was only a precautionary measure. The kid, while extremely strong for his age, was nowhere near our levels. Only one of us would need to go in for the knockout.

A flash of hand signals containing a conversation and the one to commit the act was chosen.

Anko flashed forward. Out of the three of us, I was the fastest but I was also valuable due to my background in medical jutsu. If something went wrong and the attacker was injured, better it be one of the other two.

Plus, Anko was the heavy hitter on our team, so she was our best pick.

But she was a mere hairsbreadth from her stiffened fingers jabbing into the boy's nerve to knock him out when it all went wrong.

She felt the presence behind her, we _all _felt it as the foreign ninja appeared, but she wasn't fast enough to evade the hand that slapped her away before she could grab the Kaguya boy.

"Motherfucker!" Anko roared as she was sent sailing into a tree, causing the oblivious boy to jump with fright and spin around, only to find himself facing a figure in a white kimono. Neither Tenzo, myself nor Anko could see their face from our positions however, or even decipher if it was a man or a woman. We could just see that they had long black hair, and that they were wearing a beautiful, silky white kimono.

I didn't bother to rush to Anko's side; I knew she would be fine from a hit like that, for now anyway.

However, the person that had just attacked Anko had managed to get into the clearing before any of them could react. Whoever it was, they were more than likely higher than even ANBU level; and what's more, they had slapped Anko out of the air like she was nothing more than a fly.

I swallowed, fighting back a nervous giggle. This mission had just taken a sudden turn; not that I was surprised. ANBU mission always held a high risk of turnaround in the worst ways.

The Kaguya boy seemed frozen in place as the man spoke, although his words clearly weren't directed at the boy.

"It seems like Konoha had the same idea," the man – and it was most certainly a man by the low, velvety tone of their voice.

Anko dropped between Tenzo and I, looking relatively unharmed despite smashing down several trees with her body. Not that I could check her expression behind the mask.

But more than that, the voice was strangely familiar. My hair stood on end.

And then, he turned around.

There was no dramatic, collective gasp; we were too well trained for that. But not enough to fight off the sudden grip of welling emotion that paused us all in our tracks.

Orochimaru stood before us, his smile relaxed and amused. Even faced with three ANBU, he didn't appear worried in the least.

There was a flee on sight order that the general masses of Konoha were obliged to follow.

But not us. Not ANBU. Our orders were to capture, dead or alive.

We couldn't turn back from this.

_Sensei…_

How long had it been, since that fateful night? How many years? And following that, the whispers on the streets poisoning my memories, casting them in a sinister light.

He'd been my _everything. _

And then he'd just disappeared.

_But it had been planned. Every week between healing my heart he was out experimenting on so many others, ripping lives apart while I had been entirely oblivious._

Funny how hindsight changed everything. And now, looking into golden eyes and a pale face that hadn't aged a day, I felt _fear._

And yet, in truth I didn't hold it against him. He'd done terrible things, but so had I. When I'd first heard of what he'd done, I'd been horrified.

And then I grew up in a village that demanded I murder for money and for some reason his actions didn't seem so bad after all. Wicked, yes, but not anymore than it was for the village to ask me to assassinate men, women and children for lesser reasons than knowledge.

But I wanted so badly to talk to him, to ask _why._ Why hadn't he just abided by the village?

Why did he leave me?

I sniffled silently behind the safety of my mask.

_I don't want to fight. I don't want to do this._

I knew Anko would be feeling the same. As much as she hated the man for what he had done to her, she'd never quite shaken off the happy memories; she'd told me so in confidence.

Tenzo on the other hand, he didn't have any happy memories at _all. _When I glanced at him from the corner of my eye, I could tell he was stiffer than usual.

_Poor Tenzo. He must be terrified._

I shuffled further behind my tree, blood roaring in my ears.

_Is this really happening?_

"So what now, hm? Shall we fight over this treasure?" Orochimaru all but crooned in our general direction, his chakra beginning to flare, intimidating. The Kaguya boy behind him fell onto his backside and looked about frantically, trying to find who, exactly, the mysterious man in front of him was talking about.

"If you won't come out, I suppose I shall come find _you._"

No time to respond, to react in any way, because suddenly he was _there._

I was the first one he attacked, but I was fast enough to roll out of the way of the foot that almost smashed my head in. I lunged at him with lightning-enhanced speed, body firing neurons at an unprecedented rate, allowing me to react and move at inhuman speed.

My fist shot out, clocking him in the throat and sending a pulse of lightning chakra through him. Normally, this would be an instant-kill tactic, frying the brain of the enemy.

But sensei wasn't like normal people. And that was made _very _clear as an _entirely new _Orochimaru somehow _pulled _his way out of the throat of the dead body that dropped to the ground.

Stunned, I flipped away in time to dodge a massive stream of fire blown in my direction. Anko brushed off the kunai that were hidden in the flames and intended for me before letting loose several of her own, but Orochimaru blocked them all too easily. Tenzo rushed forward, distracting Orochimaru enough to allow Anko and I to create some distance and take stock.

"Oh my. To think I would meet the famed _'Lightning Bird' _in the flesh. I'm _honoured."_

My face paled at the nickname I had become renown for. It was so stupid, but the fact he recognised me by it made my heart soar in a weird way.

Tenzo engaged him in a bout of intense taijutsu, but it was clear Orochimaru was just toying with him, the man's ghostly face lit up with a rictus grin. Tenzo's wood clone became apparent when Orochimaru did it a palm thrust to his face that he wasn't quick enough to avoid, _shattering _what would have been his nose had it been the real Tenzo.

Orochimaru's eyes widened, and his lips curled into a smile that I didn't like one bit. Tenzo dropped down beside us as we regrouped, and I didn't need to see his face to know what expression he was wearing.

"The Mokuton…" Orochimaru all but purred as he whirled around to face the three of us. But his eyes were fixed on Tenzo. "My adorable little experiment survived after all."

"We have no business with you, nuke-nin Orochimaru," Anko said, confident with the knowledge her mask afforded her total anonymity.

"We're just here for the Kaguya kid," I added, hoping my voice wasn't shaking. Beneath my cloak, I could feel my fingers trembling with an emotion I couldn't quite place.

I never could get a grasp on controlling my body completely, despite vigorous training.

"Ah, but therein lies the problem," Orochimaru mused, tapping his chin as if contemplating. "For as am I. But it looks like I'll be getting more out of this endeavour than I anticipated."

Tenzo shifted ever so slightly under his gaze.

"Our orders are to capture you. If you continue to interfere, we will be forced to follow through," Tenzo said, ignoring his mocking words.

None of us wanted this. I _knew _none of us did. In fact, our chances of survival were quite low. But really, we didn't have a choice.

Orochimaru's grin widened.

"Then come at me, little _mice._"

We had no choice.

I moved first, firing off lightning fast shuriken that he deflected with a calculated sweep of his arm; the kind of manoeuvre that only extremely skilled ninja ever attempt. None-the-less it worked, for he had neither the time to draw a weapon to deflect with, nor the speed to dodge.

"My goodness, such control of the lightning element. I must say, the Lightning Bird certainly does _impress._"

My throat dried even as my heart did a little dance at his words of praise. The fact that he managed to deflect those shuriken at _all _was beyond impressive. My move-set relied heavily on my speed and control over the lightning element, which I used to enhance my speed further and inflict quick, deadly jolts of chakra to the brain of my targets.

I was a one-hit assassin. And I had almost never failed my first hit, and certainly never twice. He had not only survived my first attack, but my second as well.

This was bad. Really bad.

I didn't have much to fall back on in terms of combat, which is where Anko came in as the heavy hitter. Tenzo was also highly trained in battle, but his skill set was more geared towards tactics and infiltration, which highly complimented my own style.

We were quite infamous in the ANBU world for being an infallible assassination duo.

'_Fall back,' _Tenzo signed in standard ANBU, and then he and Anko rushed forward.

I wanted to help, but I knew Tenzo was right. Better that I stay back for now, should one of them get injured I could help.

The battle was not in their favour. My body shook sporadically with adrenalin and tension as I watched my friends fight their tormentor. I wanted them to succeed.

_Come on… Please, you guys can do it…_

But even two on one, they weren't gaining the upper hand. Orochimaru was simply too _skilled. _He had a technique up his sleeve to counter almost every attack they threw at him.

And then, Anko used one of the techniques she had been trying to do without. But when an opening presented itself and it was the best move she could make, she finally caved.

"Hidden Shadow Snake Hands!" she yelled, sleeves streaming from her sleeves and capturing Orochimaru in a crushing, unrelenting grip of scaly bodies. "Die, bastard!"

But rather than the sound of cracking bones, the body simply melted into a puddle of mud. My eyes widened.

"Kitsune, beh-"

The words didn't entirely escape my lips, but Anko seemed to get the message. She _twisted._

Only that was his plan.

She spun around, allowing Orochimaru's sword to slice through her mask as she did so.

Her face was ashen as the two porcelain halves fell at her feet, and she stood face to face with her ex-sensei. For a moment, the betrayal in her eyes was bare for us all to witness.

And his eyes glinted. He was _smug._

This was it. We were way out of our league. We had to _retreat, _orders be damned. There was no way we were winning this anyway.

A flicker of a signal, and suddenly the three of us were tearing away.

His killing intent suddenly flared, _choking _in its intensity. A genin might have died at such _terrifying _intent.

My vision went hazy but Tenzo stumbled beside me, a wheeze leaving him. I was at his side, shoving him forward even as _something _lodged itself deep into my shoulder.

I fell. Anko was there.

I'm on my feet a split second later despite the fact my shoulder is bleeding out, terror forcing me to _run, run, run!_

Panicked breaths and pounding footsteps. No time for stealth. No time for _anything._

A glance towards the sky. A speck is dropping towards us.

"Tori!"

A snap kick and I'm tumbling back.

"Sto-!" Anko hits the dirt, but a flash of lightning and I'm by her side.

Wood rockets from the ground, Orochimaru slams into the trees.

We're running again.

Tunnel vision.

_Breathe, breathe, breathe!_

Branches sting our faces as we fling ourselves through the trees.

A tree splinters.

"Down!"

We're all hitting the dirt as the trees above us are sliced in half by invisible winds.

Charred leaves and broken branches. Tenzo's eyes widen.

Too late.

The blow sends him hurtling into the ground, a crater forming upon impact.

_Unconscious._

"_FUCK IT!"_ Anko's going at him again.

_No, no, no, stop it!_

A flash of steel and scales. She's fast, but not fast _enough._

He has her by the throat, inspecting her. He's pleased by what he sees, for whatever reason.

Anko's eyes are blown wide with fear and anger, and she snaps her teeth at her tormentor. His smile only widens.

"STOP IT!" I scream, noticing Anko writhing with pain in his grip, whether it was emotional or physical I wasn't certain. I rushed at him again, at my once-doctor.

Lightning dances across my fingers.

I'm scared. Orochimaru was going to be the Hokage, once. Yet I rush in anyway, because _Anko…_

He tosses her aside and she is unconscious before she hits the ground. Now it's just me. I can't escape. All I can do is _fight._

My reserves of chakra are dwindling, but even without using my lightning I am _fast._

My limbs are almost a blur as I engage him, forcing him back, back, _back._

I land a blow to his jaw and finally he disengages, gracefully landing on a tree branch and looking down at me. He doesn't appear tired in the least, whereas despite the fact I forced him back in that little bout, my breaths come in desperate gasps of both panic and breathlessness.

He stands up to his full height and looks down at me, eyes curious. My body quivers, as it always does, with the strength of my nerves.

"So many wonderful revelations… and what might you have in store for me, hm? Who could the famed Lightning Bird be?"

"Just… just go away!" my voice almost breaks, but I am proud that it doesn't.

Orochimaru chuckles as he observes me, my body twitching intermittently with anticipation.

"My goodness, look at you shaking like that… Is that a side effect of your lightning, hm? Or are you just that terrified?"

My face feels warm under my mask. My body's errant movements are so blatant he thinks I've electrocuted myself. Or worse; that my terror is making my body do weird things. Well, it's maybe a little but true, but it wouldn't be so if I could just control my reactions like normal people.

_So embarrassing…_

"No!" I can't help but defend myself. "It's not that at all! I- I'm… I'm just… excited…"

And maybe I am, just a little. Despite how my initial instinct is to _run, _I am _excited. _I've missed him so much since he left. I know he's a horrible person who probably intends to kill me, yet I can't stop the feeling of _joy _overwhelm me as I look into those eyes like suns that were once so familiar.

Nevertheless, I cringe at my choice of wording, but I don't have time to be embarrassed. He laughs and his arm raises, allowing his kimono sleeve to droop.

My eyes widen.

An endless stream of snakes suddenly pour from his sleeve, racing towards me. I dodge and weave through the hundreds of snakes, but I can't evade them all. It's not long before one finally gets me.

I feel fangs sink into my ankle, and I yelp. In a surge of panic I fling myself upwards into the trees, as was no doubt his intention. I can feel poison enter my blood and I quickly concentrate my medical chakra in the area to negate the effects.

But that action takes my attention away for a split second.

And then I'm _gasping _because that one moment of inattention lead to me having a fist planted in my solar plexus.

I double over, and I feel his fingers grip my ANBU grey flak jacket. He throws me backwards into the trunk of the tree we're standing on.

I crumble, bent over my knees and clutching my stomach.

I can't help it. A little keening sound escapes my lips as my lungs slowly open and allow me to breathe. There are tears welling in my eyes.

_Why are you so mean… You used to be so nice to me…_

Well, maybe _nice _was overdoing it. But he had never hurt me, the opposite in fact. He had been my special person.

I can _feel _his shadow fall over me, and slowly I raise my eyes.

I know I can't defeat him. My shoulder still bleeds from where he threw a kunai into it, and my chakra is low.

I stay where I am and try to make myself smaller, even as my body begins _writhing _in happiness or fear at seeing him so close, I am unsure.

I can't even _talk _with the staggering amount of emotion welling within me, my throat stubbornly closing and barely even allowing me to _breathe._

His fingers hook into my ANBU flak jacket yet again and then he lifts me and slams me against the tree trunk, holding me against it.

I've always been small, even for my age, so as he holds me eye-level my toes can't even touch the ground.

My body squirms even as my hands catch his wrist, but before I can shock him with electricity his own spare hand lashes out, catching both my wrists in a tight grip.

"L-lemme go!" I yelp as he forces my hands against the trunk above my head. And I don't know how it happens so fast, but all I register is that there is a _kunai _pierced through both my palms, and I feel thick, warm blood run down my palms and arms.

He let me hang by my impaled hands.

For some reason, I didn't expect it. Didn't expect him to truly hurt me. Maybe because last time I saw him, he gave me a lingering hug.

Even though I didn't know it was goodbye.

"Wh- AAAAAHH!" The wail escapes my lips because why, why did he _hurt _me I- I-

And then I feel my mask pulled from face, but I couldn't even see his reaction through my tears and the way my face was scrunched up in agony. Agony from the pain and a strange concoction of emotions that was making my chest _ache._

All I knew was that he fell still.

It was entirely possible he didn't remember me. I had only been a patient to him, after all; one of many between even bigger, more important projects and _experiments _he'd been running. He had been so important that when he did leave and all his experiments were found out, there was a massive uproar that lasted weeks as people mourned for the loss of what was once one of their best shinobi, and raged for the atrocities he had committed.

But then I felt his fingers grip my jaw and I managed to force my eyes open, enough to see him through blurry tears.

"S-sen… sei…" I managed between sobs.

And then I felt the kunai torn from my hands and I fell right into him.

He caught me, held my trembling body against his own.

_He's going to kill me now, _I thought hysterically, and the thought made my knees give out. My own doctor was going to kill me. The irony didn't escape me.

But I didn't fall, for he took my weight, and I felt his hand grasp my chin, forcing me to face him.

"Ayako-chan…" there was intrigue in his voice, and something else that I couldn't quite put my finger on.

I felt a flare of unexpected joy in my chest. He remembered me! Maybe I did mean something to him. Despite everything, my face lit up and suddenly I couldn't feel the pain at all.

I was _giddy. _Even though I knew I should be scared, should be running away. Well, I was scared, but my bout of happiness trumped that feeling tenfold.

Still, it allowed me a moment to remember my position and I subtly started healing my injuries.

I shivered from blood loss even as my body shook against him from my happiness at his acknowledgement.

I wanted to tell him I missed him all these years. But… but maybe he never felt like me as I did him. Words like that would only make me look stupid and clingy.

Plus, I was a ninja of Konoha, and they wouldn't abide such a thing. Not that I would have been able to talk anyway, with the way my body was spazzing out of control.

And then he grinned at me in a way I remembered so vividly; fangs and amusement, and suddenly it was like I was back in his hospital room twelve years ago.

He places me down against the tree as I lose control, feeling so _overjoyed _at the familiarity. Even though I know I shouldn't be. I lose control of my chakra, too, unable to control it in such a state.

This had never happened in battle before. At least, not to this extent. How was I meant to fight now? My hands were only half healed, and I couldn't keep healing them in this state.

But I can't seem to care, because I am too busy looking at those eyes that are the sun incarnate themselves.

(The sun which I dared dream I could reach)

"You've grown so much," he coos, thumbs wiping the tears from my cheeks. He's kneeling before me, and he takes my trembling hands in his own and continues healing them as I watch him in awe.

"Hehe," my giggles come unbidden; what am I meant to do? This is an enemy I can't defeat, but shouldn't I at least be _trying? _But then, he is healing me. Attacking him now would be a waste.

"The Lightning Bird," he muses, and it really _is _just like I'm back in a time when he was my doctor, the soothing feeling of his chakra entering my hands. "How far you've come."

A shudder of bliss races through my body, but he holds firm to my hands, eyes glowing with mirth.

"I- I missed y-you," the words slip out before I can stop myself through teeth chattering with excitement.

He chuckles, eyes glowing with satisfaction.

"The elite ANBU shouldn't be saying such things to the enemy, don't you agree my adorable little patient?"

Another round of nervous giggles bursts forth, because he's right. I didn't even mean to say that.

"I m-m-meant t-to say I don't m-miss you at all!" I hastily tried to correct myself. "I don't even r-remember you, really!"

Finally I'm regaining control of my body, tempering my heart. My body still tremors, but no longer is my body all but flailing wildly.

Still, I'm panting with exertion from my body's wayward movements, and I'm already weak from blood loss and my chakra reserves are almost dried up.

The smile he gives me is one I'm not familiar with; it's almost reminiscent, softer than his usual sharp-edged grins.

"I should have dropped you as a patient," Orochimaru murmurs, seemingly more to himself than anyone. The words contrast sharply to the soft way in which they are spoken.

It's like whiplash. Suddenly my emotions spiral, joy becoming shame in a split second.

My eyes widen and my heart stutters painfully. What was he saying? That he wished he hadn't known me? Was I that much of an annoyance to him?

I'm an ANBU, yet the rest of my body stills save my lip which trembles ominously.

_I won't cry. I won't cry. I won't-_

"Perhaps I ought to kill you now."

The threat is very real, his eyes are calculating; he truly is weighing the benefits of ending me. I am frozen, even as he brings a hand to my temple undoubtedly in preparation to spike chakra into my brain and kill me on the spot.

I can only watch, my lips parted with fear and my breath caught as I wait for him to make his decision.

I never forgot the joy his presence brought me when I was younger. Once he'd left, the world was so _dim. _Muted, somehow, for I had no one to love. My best friend and my beloved doctor were gone.

And I searched, frantically, for someone else to love, but no one wanted me. I was an orphan, after all. And so I went through the motions, obediently followed the path the village laid out for me and all the orphans, in the hopes that one day the village would be proud of me and someone would finally decide to love me. Or I would die along the way.

But I didn't. I'd been reunited with Tenzo, and the world lit up after that. We were placed on a team with Anko, and I found that I could love her too.

But it wasn't the same. I'd given Orochimaru _all _my love when I was just a little kid, and when he left I only got half of it back.

_I was so stupid, _I thought, the tears welling in my eyes. _I knew he didn't love me back, but I didn't care. And then he left._

"S-s-sorry," I mewled, my bloody hands covering my eyes. "I d-didn't mean to take up your t-time."

Because that was what I'd done, wasn't it? I'd wasted his precious time with my heart that didn't work, time that he could have spent doing his evil experiments. He'd even paid for me at the kaiseki restaurant, wasting his money on me.

Maybe that's why he wanted me dead, after all.

But instead of falling into blackness, Orochimaru's hand retracted. But I didn't want to look, to see what expression he was wearing. Was he looking at me with disgust?

"I cannot," he muses in a tone laced with satire. "Not when you say such things and look like that."

I'm uncertain what he's talking about, but I yelp when suddenly he's grasping either side of my head. My hands instinctively grab his wrists, and I dredge up what small amount of my chakra is left in preparation.

Fear and uncertainty race through me. What is he _doing?_

"Wretched child," he croons, and I stiffen. "If I cannot kill you, then I will take you with me."

* * *

**I hope you all appreciated the sicc skills I bestowed upon Ayako. Also my personal favourite quote from this chapter is "Come at me, little _mice_" cos it's such a teenage boy-ish thing to say. **


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